Crafting Your Image Via Facebook

Crafting Your Image Via Facebook Image
Don't doubt the power of social networks for dating and getting your image across! Window Shopping for Women goes a lot deeper into this, but this is a very interesting article about crafting your image on Facebook from UCLA:

Students are creating idealized versions of themselves on social networking Web sites -- Facebook and MySpace are the most popular -- and using these sites to explore their emerging identities, UCLA psychologists report. Parents often understand very little about this phenomenon, they say.

"People can use these sites to explore who they are by posting particular images, pictures or text," said UCLA psychology graduate student Adriana Manago, a researcher with the Children's Digital Media Center, Los Angeles (CDMCLA), and lead author of a study that appears in a special November-December issue of the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology devoted to the developmental implications of online social networking. "You can manifest your ideal self. You can manifest who you want to be and then try to grow into that.

"We're always engaging in self-presentation; we're always trying to put our best foot forward," Manago added. "Social networking sites take this to a whole new level. You can change what you look like, you can Photoshop your face, you can select only the pictures that show you in a perfect lighting. These Web sites intensify the ability to present yourself in a positive light and explore different aspects of your personality and how you present yourself. You can try on different things, possible identities, and explore in a way that is common for emerging adulthood. It becomes psychologically real. People put up something that they would like to become -- not completely different from who they are but maybe a little different -- and the more it gets reflected off of others, the more it may be integrated into their sense of self as they share words and photos with so many people."

"People are living life online," said Manago's co-author Patricia Greenfield, a UCLA distinguished professor of psychology, director of the CDMCLA and co-editor of the journal's special issue. "Social networking sites are a tool for self-development."

The Web sites allow users to open free accounts and to communicate with other users, who number in the tens of millions on Facebook and MySpace. Participants can select "friends" and share photos, videos and information about themselves -- such as whether they are currently in a relationship -- with these friends. Many college students have 1,000 or more friends on Facebook or MySpace. Identity, romantic relations and sexuality all get played out on these social networking sites, the researchers said.

"All of these things are what teenagers always do," Greenfield said, "but the social networking sites give them much more power to do it in a more extreme way. In the arena of identity formation, this makes people more individualistic and more narcissistic; people sculpt themselves with their profiles. In the arena of peer relations, I worry that the meaning of 'friends' has been so altered that real friends are not going to be recognized as such. How many of your 1,000 'friends' do you see in person? How many are just distant acquaintances? How many have you never met?"

"Instead of connecting with friends with whom you have close ties for the sake of the exchange itself, people interact with their 'friends' as a performance, as if on a stage before an audience of people on the network," Manago said.

"These social networking sites have a virtual audience, and people perform in front of their audience," said Michael Graham, a former UCLA undergraduate psychology student who worked on this study with Greenfield and Manago for his honor's thesis. "You're a little detached from them. It's an opportunity to try different things out and see what kind of comments you get.

"Sometimes people put forth things they want to become, and sometimes people put forth things that they're not sure about how other people will respond," he added. "They feel comfortable doing that. If they put something forward that gets rave reviews from people, it can alter the way they view their own identity. Through this experimentation, people can get surprised by how the molding goes."

Is this exploration of identity through these Web sites psychologically healthy?

"Every medium has its strengths and weaknesses, its psychological costs and benefits," said Greenfield, an expert in developmental psychology and media effects. "Costs may be the devaluing of real friendships and the reduction of face-to-face interaction. There are more relationships, but also more superficial relationships. Empathy and other human qualities may get reduced because of less face-to-face contact. On the other hand, new college students can make contact with their future roommates and easily stay in touch with high school friends, easing the social transition to college, or from one setting to another."

"I hate to be an older person decrying the relationships that young people form and their communication tools, but I do wonder about them," said Kaveri Subrahmanyam, associate director of the CDMCLA, professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and senior editor of the special journal issue. "Having 1,000 friends seems to be like collecting accessories."

Middle school is too young to be using Facebook or MySpace, Subrahmanyam believes, but by ninth grade, she considers the Web sites to be appropriate. She recommends that parents speak with their children, starting at about age 10, concerning what they do online and with whom they are interacting. Subrahmanyam notes that some of parents' greatest online fears -- that their children will be harassed by predators or receive other unwanted or inappropriate Internet contact -- have been decreasing, although parents may not know this.

In her own study in the journal, Subrahmanyam and colleagues Stephanie Reich of the University of California, Irvine, Natalia Waechter of the Austrian Institute for Youth Research and Guadalupe Espinoza, a UCLA psychology graduate student, report that, for the most part, college students are interacting with "people they see in their offline, or physical, lives."

"Young people are not going online to interact with strangers or for purposes removed from their offline lives," she said. "Mostly they seem to be using these social networking sites to extend and strengthen their offline concerns and relationships."

Research shows that adolescents who have discussed online safety with their parents and teachers are less likely to have a meeting with anyone they met online, Subrahmanyam noted.

"The best thing that parents can do is to have a rough idea of what their teens do online and have discussions with them about being safe online," she said.

What does having 1,000 friends do to your relationships with your true friends?

"Relationships now may be more fleeting and more distant," Manago said. "People are relating to others trying to promote themselves and seeing how you compare with them. We found a lot of social comparisons, and people are comparing themselves against these idealized self-presentations.

"Women feel pressure to look beautiful and sexy, yet innocent, which can hurt their self-esteem" she said. "Now you are part of the media; your MySpace profile page is coming up next to Victoria's Secret models. It can be discouraging to feel like you cannot live up to the flawless images you see."

"You're relating to people you don't really have a relationship with," Greenfield said. "People have a lot of diffuse, weak ties that are used for informational purposes; it's not friendship. You may never see them. For a large number of people, these are relationships with strangers. When you have this many people in your network, it becomes a performance for an audience. You are promoting yourself. The line between the commercial and the self is blurring.

"The personal becomes public, which devalues close relationships when you display so much for everyone to see," Greenfield added.

"Who we are is reflected by the people we associate with," Manago said. "If I can show that all these people like me, it may promote the idea that I am popular or that I associate with certain desirable cliques."

Not much remains private.

"You can be at a party or any public place, and someone can take a picture of you that appears on Facebook the next day," Manago said.

However, Graham said, the social networking sites can also strengthen relationships. He also said many people have "second-tier friends that they may have met once but would not have stayed in touch with if not for the MySpace or Facebook networks."

The study by Manago, Greenfield and Graham, along with co-author Goldie Salimkhan, a former UCLA psychology undergraduate major, was based on small focus groups with a total of 11 women and 12 men, all UCLA students who use MySpace frequently.

One male student in the study said of MySpace, "It's just a way to promote yourself to society and show everyone, 'I'm moving up in the world, I've grown. I've changed a lot since high school.'"

How honestly do people present themselves on these sites?

Another male student in a focus group said, "One of my friends from high school, I saw her profile and I was like, 'Whoa, she's changed so much from high school,' and I see her this summer and I'm like, 'No, she's exactly the same!' Her MySpace is just a whole other level."

"Just at the age where peers are so important, that's where social networking -- which is all about peers -- is very attractive," Greenfield said. "Just at the age where you're exploring identity and developing an identity, that's where this powerful tool for exploring identity is very appealing. These sites are perfectly suited for the expanded identity exploration characteristic of emerging adults."

Another study in the special issue of the journal, conducted by Larry Rosen of California State University, Dominguez Hills, and colleagues Nancy Cheever and Mark Carrier, shows that parents have high estimates of the dangers of social networking but very low rates of monitoring and of setting limits on their children.

Rosen and his colleagues found that a parenting style that is marked by rational discussion, monitoring of children, setting limits and giving reasons for the limits is associated with less risky online behavior by children.

Greenfield advises parents of adolescents not to give their child a computer with Internet access in his or her bedroom.

"But even with a computer in a family room, complete monitoring is impossible," she said. "Children have so much independence that parents have to instill a compass inside them. Seeing what they are doing on the computer and discussing it with them is a good way to instill that compass."

In an additional study in the journal that highlights the beneficial nature of Facebook "friends," Charles Steinfield, Nicole B. Ellison and Cliff Lampe of Michigan State University examine the relationship between Facebook use and social capital, a concept that describes the benefits one receives from one's social relationships. They focus on "bridging social capital," which refers to the benefits of a large, heterogeneous network -- precisely the kind of network these sites can support.

Their article argues that there is a direct connection between students' social capital and their use of Facebook, and using data over a two-period, they found that Facebook use appears to precede students' gains in bridging social capital.

They also found that Facebook use appears to be particularly beneficial for students with lower self-esteem, as it helps them overcome the barriers they would otherwise face in building a large network that can provide access to information and opportunity.

"Young people do seem to be aware of the differences between their close friends and casual acquaintances on Facebook," Steinfield said. "Our data suggest that students are not substituting their online friends for their offline friends via Facebook; they appear to be using the service to extend and keep up with their network."

The Children's Digital Media Center, Los Angeles, has received federal funding from the National Science Foundation. For more information about the center and the special journal issue, please visit

Suggested free e-books to read:

Michael Pilinski - 3 Perfecting Your Dominant Male Attitude
C Kellogg - Dating Tips For Men Special Report

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A Woman Guide To Writing A Great Profile

A Woman Guide To Writing A Great Profile Cover
OK... the time has come. You have joined an online dating service or two. Now you must write that all-important profile… the one that will attract attention and reel in the man of your dreams… but where to start? Maybe writing isn’t even something you think you do all that well. Even so, you can do this.

The first thing is to be absolutely honest about yourself. You are looking for that man who will like…maybe someday love…YOU….THE REAL YOU! Examine past relationships and list the things that you liked and the things you did not like. If he smoked in the house and you hated it, you won’t like it any better the next time. If you love cats and will always want to own one or more, say that you are an animal lover and want indoor pets. Someone who hates cats or is allergic to them is not the guy for you.

Accent the things that make you unique. If you play the piano well, you really want Mr. Right to appreciate it. If you run in marathons, a couch potato is not a good match. If you love art, you really don’t want a man who thinks Picasso is an ice cream flavor.

There are several elements that go into creating a profile that people will want to click to read. One is your photo, another is your username, and then there's your header. Here are four specific tips for creating a good profile header:

- Analyze Other Profile Headers.

One of the best ways to create a winning profile header is to analyze headers others use that interest you. What is it about the header that makes you want to click on their profile and learn more? Here are a few of our favorites (some funny, some philosophical, and some simply clever):

"We make a perfect couple: I've got the brains and you've got the body!"
"Ok, I'm here. Now what's your other two wishes?"
"Bright spark looking to ignite shared paths"
"Just like a new job, I offer excellent benefits."
"Strangers are friends waiting to be made."

Use the insight you gain from reading interesting profile headers to create your own.

- Avoid Boring and Overused Headers.

When a person can't think of what to say for their header message, they usually resort to common and overused headers like "I may be the one" or "looking to meet new people."

You don't want to appear common. There are tens of thousands of people competing with you in a quest to find that "perfect" partner. Therefore make sure that the header you use will attract the attention of others. Which one of these four profile headers would attract your attention?

"You May be the One I'm Looking for"
"Looking to Meet New People"
"Willing to Lie About How We Met!"

Three of those are overused. One takes a humorous approach to the concept of telling others how you met. It's unique and clever. Make sure your header is uncommon in a sea of commonalities.

- Change Your Header Message

It's always a good idea to keep your profile fresh by rotating your pictures and changing your header message once in awhile. Every week create a new and clever, creative, or filtered subject header. Different subject headers attract different people, therefore you may reach "new" people by keeping your header fresh and updated.

- Use Your Header as a Filter.

One of the biggest complaints we hear from online daters is the number of people who contact them that are not what they are looking for. It may be a man 15 years older or someone who's body type doesn't match what you want. If you want to improve the interest shown to you from qualified respondents, then start by using your header to filter out unwanteds. For example:

"Looking for fit 24-30 year old male within 20 miles of Los Angeles"

By creating a filter, when a person who doesn't match your criteria reads your header they are likely to continue on. Yet when a "fit 24-30 year old local male" reads the header, it attracts him because he meets your criteria. Here are some real filter type subject headers we've seen people use:

"Please be local, fit, over 40, and have a posted picture."
"Must be at least 5'10" to get on this ride"
"I love a man in uniform. Military men, apply within."
"Romantic men seem to be extinct. If you're extinct, contact me now."

Improve your matches by using your subject header to filter your results!

Describe the things that are vital in your life. If volunteering is the one thing that makes you feel useful and worthwhile, you want someone who would, at the very least, support you if not join you in your volunteer projects. When you get beyond superficial things, you will attract men who share your values.

Invest in your online profile by hiring a professional photographer for your first online picture. This is so important. The picture is the FIRST thing men see. The second thing is that they read what you have written about yourself. Some online dating sites even provide you with a list of photographers in your area that specialize in online dating site photos.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Jo Barrett - The Men Guide To The Women Bathroom
Nancy Stevenson - 10 Minute Guide To Motivating People

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David Deangelos Man Transformation Live Event Sign Up List

David Deangelos Man Transformation Live Event Sign Up List Image
For those of you who are a bit behind the times, David Deangelo has announced to seduction community insiders that he will hold an exclusive live program called the "Man Transformation Program" in April. There is MASSIVE demand for this, and seats are "VERY" limited. David has promised that the price is UNDER $2000. This has got to be one of the best deals to come along, and a great chance to learn from one of the most influential dating gurus around.

Here is the link to get on the PRE-INTEREST LIST. Basically those who want to have a SHOT at getting into David Deangelo's training program need to be on this list ASAP.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Phil Anderson - Creating An Attractive Identity
Love Systems - Daytime Dating Bonus Master Yor Dating Life In One Year

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Mr Perfect Does Not Exist

Mr Perfect Does Not Exist Cover
The sooner you realize this sad but true fact, the sooner you can get on with finding Mr. Close-Enough-To-Perfect. Prince Charming, riding on a white stallion, lost his way or found Princess Charming and got married on his way to your castle. Get over it and get on with it. You ARE going to have to actively seek the man of your dreams and you won’t find him hiding under your bed. You already know that he isn’t among the men that you are acquainted with so, now what? Online dating is “what”.

It’s true that online dating, while in its infancy, was only made up of perverts, sexual predators, nerds and weirdoes but that is no longer true. It has become the main tool of the single person in every developed country in the world. Forty million people can’t all be wrong. Ask your girl friends if they have ever used online dating or are using it now. If they are honest with you, most of them have or are now members of at least one online dating site and maybe more than one. It really is the way to go to meet eligible men who want to meet you. It doesn’t matter what any of your numbers are…like age, height, weight or income either. Somewhere out there in the big wide world there is a man who will like you…..then love you….and think that you are beautiful and desirable. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is true. What is considered beautiful in one part of the world is completely different from what is considered beautiful in another part of the world. It’s even different from one part of this country to another.

Find an online dating site that fits your needs. Write a great profile and post a flattering picture. Start contacting eligible men on the site. Mr. Close-enough-to-perfect could be a few mouse clicks away.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Various Authors - Mental Defectives And Sexual Offenders
Chris Howard - The Secret Of Perfect Weight Health
Michael Pilinski - 3 Perfecting Your Dominant Male Attitude

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Kissing Tips Different Types Of Food Kiss

Kissing Tips Different Types Of Food Kiss Image


Apple Flavored Kiss

Drink apple juice before kiss.

Cake kiss

Eat some cake before kissing.

Cheese Kiss

Eat cheese and kiss her.

Chocolate Kiss

Have a melted chocolate in your mouth and kiss.

French Fries Kiss

Take a French fry in your mouth and kiss.

Gum kiss

Put some gum in your mouth and exchange with your partner during kiss.

Honey Kiss

Take some honey on your finger and rub on your lower lips before kiss.

Kisses like wine

Take one grape in your mouth and exchange with your partner during kiss.

Strawberry Kiss

Take a piece of strawberry in your mouth and go for kiss.

Toffee or candy kiss

Take the coffee in your mouth and exchange through lips with your partner again and again.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Tyler Durden - Dissecting Shit Tests
C Kellogg - Unleashing The Secrets Of Success

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Why Men Suddenly Lose Interest

Why Men Suddenly Lose Interest Cover
Cecily Knobler is the author of new hilarious relationship/dating book, "She's Crazy, He's a Liar" that explores the dating highs and lows of entire relationships. This is a witty quick read that features personal stories and helpful dating tips in the hopes of guiding both sexes into understanding what the other is really thinking. Knobler is also a seasoned comedian who writes and hosts entertainment reports and film reviews for "Live From Hollywood," a daily morning show featured on 20 FM stations.


I have been dating Jonah for 3 years and was banking on marrying him, but suddenly, his behavior has completely changed.

He stopped calling me completely and whenever we do meet up, he acts so aloof like he doesn't want to be with me.

When I ask him what's going on, he tells me I'm crazy and that nothing is wrong, but he simply is not the man I used to date. He's distant, argumentative and downright rude. The only thing I can think of for his behavior is that a couple of weeks ago, we had a pregnancy scare (but it was negative).

Is it possible that this changed his mind about being with me?



Dear "R."

One of three things is happening here.

Either Jonah does still have feelings for you, but is taking you for granted and now that you're three years in, feels he doesn't have to "work as hard" to make you happy.

Or, like you suspected, it's possible that he is backing away due to lack of interest or a desire to leave the relationship.

A third scenario is that he's going through something else in his life, unrelated to you, that is causing him to appear rude and/or irritable and he's having a tough time communicating it to you.

No matter the answer, Jonah is showing his true colors and the real question shouldn't be "did he change his mind about being with you", but rather, "do you want to be with him?"

The person you end up with for a long-term partner should be your best friend. He should be able to communicate what's going on his life and he should respect you enough to avoid that passive aggressive bs. You're worth more than that.

If you ask yourself "do I want to be with him?" and the answer is still yes, you have nothing to lose by asking him point-blank if he's still two-feet in.

If he, once again, impatiently tells you you're "crazy" for asking, then you have your answer. This doesn't make him a horrible guy, but it does convey that he doesn't respect your concerns, which, in the long-run, will lead to more issues.

Good luck! I know that three years is a long time to invest in a relationship so I hope it works out. But if it doesn't, remember; there are always other "Jonahs" in the sea.

Why are some women so incredibly moody? Read on >>

Suggested free e-books to read:

Dating Insider - Guide To Internet Dating
Mario Uchard - French And Oriental Love In A Harem

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Car For Sale

Car For Sale Image
Rick and Diane were madly in love and couldn't wait to get married. However, there was a slight problem. Rick didn't own a car and Diane's car was getting old with more than 120,000 miles on it. Diane told Rick she'd love to marry him, but needed to first sell her car and buy one with fewer miles on it in anticipation of starting a family.

So Diane put her car up for sale, but no one wanted to buy it. This frustrated Rick, because he was one of those extremely rare men who was actually anxious to get married.

Finally, Rick told Diane that he knew "someone" that could turn back the odometer of her car so that she could sell it. Diane was hesitant at first, but finally agreed.

A few days later, Diane called Rick with the exciting news.

"We can get married now!" she proclaimed.

Rick was ecstatic. "You sold the car?!" he asked.

"There's no need to," she excitedly responded. "Mine only has 50,000 miles on it now!"

Suggested free e-books to read:

Tariq Nasheed - Play Or Be Played
Joseph Matthews - Charm School

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Woman Pays Gets Mad

Woman Pays Gets Mad Cover
Dating Question: I went out on a date with girl and we had a great time. I paid for dinner and drinks afterwards, and then we ended up at her place, where we almost had sex (I stopped it).

So we went out again, but this time she called and asked me out. So when the bill came after dinner, and she said "oh, let me...", and, well, I let her. I figured if she did the asking, she should do the paying. She chose the 5-star restaurant, after all.

Needless to say, she paid with an attitude and then told me she was "tired" and wanted to go home.

Was I wrong to figure she should pay?


No, Bill, you were spot on. It's good that you got to know what this woman was really about by the second date instead of seeing her true colors months down the line.

She asked, she even offered to pay, so the moment you agreed with what she was already saying, she got upset?!? How does that even make sense? All this tells you that she expects the man to pay all the time and never says what she means.

Who needs a woman like that?



I'm dating this guy who has 2 young children and an ex-wife with an attitude. She is constantly using his kids as leverage and threatens him every time she wants something.

It's obvious she still loves him because she all but told me so.

My question is: Should I bother sticking around to see what this will become or should I bolt? I don't want no baby mama drama.


Ah, yes, the kids and the ex, always a party. I can't really tell you what to do here. It all comes down to what you're willing to put up with and how badly you want this man in your life.

You haven't said anything negative about him and his kids, so I'm assuming you have no issues with them. But an ex-wife who is still hung up on her ex and uses his kids to hurt him does not sound like a good time.

It's up to you to decide: Do you want to deal with a woman who is still in love with her ex and has a hold on him because they share 2 children, or would you prefer to find a man who doesn't have this kind of baggage?

The ball is in your court.


Suggested free e-books to read:

Kevin Bates - Any Woman Anywhere
Anthony Berger - Chick Managament Mba
Maniac High - How To Lays Girls Guide

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How To Be Cool

How To Be Cool Image
When I first moved to New York City, I used to read all the time about how women wanted a guy with a good sense of humor. It was in every magazine, every talk showeven my female friends would tell me the exact same thing. Even the Magic Bullets Handbook said so, and Magic Bullets is well-known for contradicting conventional wisdom (and being right).

You'd think that a professional comedian such as myself would have no problem with women then, right? Wrong.

I noticed instantly some things that I was already doing right (thanks to my improv and standup training), but some other things that I had WAY wrong. I want to talk to you guys about one of those things right now.

Going from funny to sexy. Why is it that so many really funny comedians have so much trouble hooking up with high quality women? How to you go from being the funny guy to the guy she wants to take home?

The answer is to use humor to mask your sexual intent. That means bringing up the topic of sex, but in a funny way.


You should always be looking for opportunities to bring up the topic of sex with a woman that you are interested in, even though it can be hard to find a way to make it not creepy. When you talk about sex, you subcommunicate that you are someone who is interested in sex, who has had sex before, who is confident about sex. You start to paint the picture that sex is a normal and important part of your life.

You also start to introduce the idea of sex with the woman you're talking to, which is really important, especially if you want same night lays. She'll have a hard time putting you in the friend zone if you've already brought up the idea of hooking up with her.

Not only that, but if done in the right way, simply talking about sex can be physically exciting to her. It is a huge tool in breaking though levels of intimacy.

So how do we do this without sounding like a total creeper? The answer is above." USE HUMOR! "

One of the things I've noticed from having done hundreds of approaches is that you can get away with a lot if you are funny. If you've read any of my "On The Fly" articles, you'll see exactly how much you can get away when you are joking around with a woman. Knowing this, you should always start your sexual framing in a way that's funny.


There are literally hundreds of ways to work sex into conversation, but for the moment I'll hit you with two that are super easy.

The first is to hide it in a role play. A role play is putting you and the woman in a fake scenario that she can play along with. For example, pretending that you are breaking up even though you just met:

"I'm totally breaking up with you. I'll come over tomorrow to get my CD's and for the breakup sex.

You can even pretend that you've been married and add all sorts of crazy fake details:

"That's it! You and I are getting a divorce. Just as well. You could never handle me in bed anyways."

Once you have the fake scenario out there, you've got free reign over the kind of material you can make up. Why not make up something sexual?

The second technique has to do with one of my Disqualification types. In my Humor, Improv and Attraction seminar I go deep into Disqualification and go over the 10 different types. One of those types is called Raising Your Value, in which you boast about your positive qualities. You talk about how attractive you are, how cool you are, and most importantly, how sure you are that the woman you are talking to you is attracted to you:

"You're such a sexual predator. I can feel you undressing me with your eyes right now!


"I'd appreciate it if you'd get your mind out of the gutter. I know it's hard because I'm so hot, but just do your best and think unsexy thoughts.

In both of the above techniques, even though it's just a joke, it still breaks through those same levels of intimacy. It has the same effect, even though it's just a joke!

The above tools are a good place to start, but it really is just the tip of the iceberg. Using some of the other techniques I teach can jump off comments like those into some super charged sexual framing!

For example, did you know that these sexual jokes are a perfect opportunity to escalate physically? Just throw it into the joke! Why not have the fake breakup conversation with her sitting on your lap? Why not give her a friendly hug then accuse her of copping a feel? The possibilities are limitless if you're looking in the right places.

Of course they have to be in on the joke for this to work, so make sure you get on the same page with them as soon as possible.


Suggested free e-books to read:

Debra Benton - How To Act Like A Ceo
John Alexander - How To Become Alpha Male

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A British Nlpler

A British Nlpler Image
Britain or better, the UK, has a couple of great NLP practitioners. One of my favourite books on NLP comes from an NLPler in the UK called Sue Knight, while I currently also like to go into hypnosis with Paul Mckenna's Instant Confidence CD.

Now I had an interesting and very active visitor from the UK - a guy called Ian. Visit his blog -he really seems to enjoy spearheading NLP in the UK.

We have started quite an interesting idea exchange about the potential application of NLP in countries outside of the UK or the US. It is my belief that it is possible, but then, I speak English and coach in English and do everything in English. However, there are NLP centers in Hong Kong that train in Chinese, so it must be possible. In any case, it surely is important to take care of culture and cultural bias, whatever someone is using and applying in a context.

Or, as Ian initially challenged - is success the same in the Asia as it is in the US? I say - I don't know - it depends on the definition of the individual and his or her background.

NLP is important to me. It helps me to understand myself, and others, better and communicate in a more efficient way. And that is the most important because a lack of communication is cause for a lot of trouble in the world.

NLP in Asia


neuro linguistic programming


executive coaching

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personal coaching

life coaching




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Anthony Berger - Articles
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The Crush Part Iii

The Crush Part Iii Cover

Dave told me that he didn't want me to move back to Montreal just yet. He said he felt I needed to accomplish what I had moved to NY to do. I wasn't really sure what that was. For years I had been searching for love and there it was right in front of me. I suspected that he was only offering because he thought it wouldn't be possible. He would be safe from actually having to live it. He came back for another visit. We ate and drank some more. One afternoon my feet were killing me from walking and I needed a rest. Instead of grabbing a cab back to the hotel, Dave made me walk the 20 blocks back.

This visit seemed different from the last. After dinner with a friend of his one night, he accused me of being argumentative and rude. I swear I still have no idea what he was referring to. His friend seemed to really like me and I was in such a food coma I had hardly spoken a word. When he left to drive back to Montreal at the end of the week he barely kissed me goodbye. I hoped it was because he was just feeling tense about the long drive ahead of him.

I had been told that people find it difficult to feel a personal connection with Dave when they are face-to-face with him. In fact, he has even been called "emotionless" and"robotic." I thought that our interaction was an exception but it felt nearly impossible for me to connect with him with the geographical distance between us. I wanted to talk on the phone. I mean REALLY TALK. But whenever I would ask Dave questions in order to feel closer to him he would say that he felt like he was being interrogated. He couldn't handle talking about the most basic things that people discuss when they are in a relationship.

I couldn't go home for a visit because my status in the US wasn't legal yet and I didn't want to take any chances by crossing the border. I told Dave I would meet him in Vermont but he said that would be boring. A romantic weekend in a Bed & Breakfast in Vermont with me would be boring? It was pissing him off that I couldn't come home yet and he told me that it was unfair because he wanted sex. It had only been like 3 weeks!

Finally my immigration status in the U.S. was legalized and I went home to Montreal to see Dave. He was still in his shithole apartment but the puppy had arrived! The three of us spent the weekend together, going for walks in the park, lying on the floor playing tug of war, and watching movies in bed. But Dave and I didn't talk about our relationship. We didn't talk about anything really and I should have known that Dave had checked out emotionally (or had never really checked in) as he had done in years past. Instead, I pretended we were a family.

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Guy De Maupassant - The Works Of Guy De Maupassant Vol Iii
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Teen Dating Tips An Introduction

Teen Dating Tips An Introduction Image
Teenage is a difficult age to handle. During the teen age the person goes through a lot of changes that are both mental and physical as well. The mental changes are more difficult to handle with out proper guidance.

Teen dating is an important issue regarding the teenagers. It can be very disturbing at times but can also be most memorable and lasting experiences of one's life. No one forgets his/her first date. The article is going to give some tips to those teenagers who are taking their first step towards the dating.

There is a lot of social pressure that surrounds teen dating especially if the teenager is shy. If you think that you have an awkward personality then you will never feel confident about yourself. Overcoming this lack of confidence is hard but not impossible.

It is not that teenagers always have problem with the dating. Sometimes the dating can be fun. Some things are needed to be worked out like ordering food for your partner, pulling out the chair for the lady, etc. these are must things to do and should be encouraged in teens. The last but not the least thing that you must remember during dating is your self respect. Never allow you partner to do something that you are not liking. Remember to stand for your self whenever you feel that you are alone in this harsh world of teen dating.

Suggested free e-books to read:

C Kellogg - Top Dating Tips For Weary Singles
Joseph Matthews - Meeting Dating And Seducing Women

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Askmencom Releases Male Survey Results

Askmencom Releases Male Survey Results Cover released the results of their survey today, and the answers that over 50,000 men gave have thrown us for a loop. Here are some numbers for you to crunch.


Almost 50% OF MEN WOULD NOT BREAK UP WITH A GIRL IF THEY REALIZED THAT SHE SIMPLY WAS NOT WIFE MATERIAL. Instead they would drag the relationship on and keep the free sex until she decides that waiting 7 years for a ring is enough. Then she'll be 43 with no husband and no kids and will be become bitter and angry. But I digress.

Over 70% OF MEN BELIEVE IN THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE and plan on getting married in the near future. 15% believe in it, but never plan on getting married.


A whopping 70% OF MEN STATED THAT THEY WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON THEIR WOMEN, even if there was no chance of ever getting caught. Now that is good news for women everywhere. Of course, the men were sober when filling out the survey.

Among the things that men would love to change about their women:

24% moodiness

24% sexual appetite

17% nothing

The rest of the numbers are too small to mention.

The results were split on whether men would dump their girlfriends if they became fat. But then, over 50% OF MEN CLAIM THEIR PREFERRED BREAST SIZE IS A C CUP. Unfortunately, most C cups come with"'"hips. But when all was said and done, over 65% of men wouldn't change their girl's breast size.

Chivalry is not dead; over 70% OF MEN BELIEVE THAT THEY SHOULD PAY FOR MOST, IF NOT ALL, DATES while dating.


Over 50% OF RESPONDENTS ADMITTED THAT THEIR PARTNERS KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL FANTASIES. That's so sad. But then, over 40% of them have fantasized about their women's friends. Maybe that has a little something to do with it.

60% OF MEN WOULD TAKE THE MALE PILL if it were available. Yay!

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Hg Wells - Secret Places Of The Heart
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Flow By Brad

Flow By Brad Image

You see, I've never really told anyone my overall philosophy on attracting women. Likewise, I realize that I'm probably not the best in the world at "the game"... nor do I want to be.

I'm an 80/20 guy. (think 4 hour work week)

Here's what I mean.

According to Pareto's Principle, roughly 20% of your actions are going to make up 80% of your results in almost any situation... from work, to sports... and yes... even in your

Interactions with "the ladies"...

Likewise, roughly 20% of your results are going to be directly attributed to the other 80% of stuff.

If you want to be above average, finding the 20% that produces 80% of your results is all you need...

... and it takes less time.

If you want to be GREAT... (think the Michael Jordan of game), then you need to not only get your above average stuff in check... but you spend a lot MORE time on the other stuff... a LOT MORE.

Personally, being above average is fine for me. I just like interacting and finding good chemistry with women.

I don't care about trying to fuck every hot girl I lay my eyes on... but some people do. It's just too much work for something that just isn't that important to me.


I call the 20% that gets you 80% your "Flow"

"Flow" is just like it sounds... which is why its such a great metaphor.

It's unattached to a result... it's flexible to any outcome.

It's adaptable

It's strong and torrent when it needs to be... yet, calm and relaxing as well.

In other words, someone with good "flow" is:

Confident and Secure - they don't need to dominate every interaction to "prove" their worth, yet they can take control of a situation in a moment's notice

Adaptable and Unattached - they have fun and mingle well with people, yet are unassuming with any particular outcome.

Good "Flow" is a manifestation of all of this.

Charisma is a form of good "flow"... but not all of it.

Just think of how water "flow" through cracks... around rocks... through tunnels.

It goes where it needs to go to get where its going. It has no defined path.

Throw a rock in the river... it goes around it.

Here's the kicker, women love to "ride" good "flow"... and I swear I'm not trying any sexual innuendo.

I may not be explaining my "flow" phenomenon in the best of terms... but if you sit back and think on it... you can see where I'm going with this.

BOTTOM LINE: First things first - Find your 20% that gets you 80%. Then decide how "good" you want to be. You may find that being GREAT with women, just isn't worth it... like I did.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Sean Stephenson - How Youth Can Succeed
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The Romance In Dating Men

The Romance In Dating Men Image
"Let us go then, you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table; Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets..." That is Thomas Stearns Eliot or better known as TS Eliot who spoke these lines during the Romantic Era. Yes, I am fascinated by romance especially here in the most romantic place on earth - Europe. Romance for me is not just about the physical attraction but being able to relate to a person's emotional level. That is, when you are able to share your feelings with a person and being vulnerable and opens to that person. The emotional connection is like communication, there are sender and receiver. For dating, it should also have this connection especially when you already know your date well.Dating and men can be both exciting as it is so hold on and let me share with you tips for dating I have learned from observing couples in Europe and from my own experiences as well.


If you want to succeed in dating and men hunting, commit to it. Just like any endeavor, it won't work if you are half-hearted. For dating to be successful, you put extra effort in it. Research and find out what you want out of dating, prepare yourself for rejection and commit that you'll not give up. You can also research about your date - his interests, friends and favorite hang out place.


Start doing things for you to look at your best. You can read health magazines to learn, join in a gym and start a diet and getting fit. Have a good hair style that goes with your face. This may not find you a date but for dating to be a good one, it is helpful if you do things that will make you feel confident. Dating and men both requires you to look attractive for them to find you irresistible.


Reflect on the things you want to gain from dating and your time frame. Do you want to get married two to three years from now? Then approach to dating appropriately. If you do not yet consider marriage, then ask yourself the reasons why you engage in such activities. For dating to be effective, make sure you are honest with your reasons with your date. Dating and men you go out with need to be coordinated with your goals as well.


Be with people who will support you in your aims in dating. For dating to be fair, don't go around with people who feel negatively about relationships,dating and men. You may also start attending social gatherings where singles go.


Dating and men- meeting should be fun and stimulating. It is spending time with people who may be your partner or friend. For dating to be efficient, offer interesting things about you and get interested also to your date's stories.

For dating to be real, do not just focus on the physical attraction. Pay attention to the emotional attraction- if you can keep up with the person, if he can accept you and if he can stay with you. To achieve this, talk about your past lessons, your personality and the things you live by. This way, you can know each other better. In dating and men, be honest and open.

Suggested free e-books to read:

David Jones - The Art Of Internet Dating
Geoffrey Miller - The Mating Mind

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The Art Of Story Telling

The Art Of Story Telling Image
Have you ever been around someone, or even seen someone on TV who can hold your attention completely and draw you in? Would you like to have these same skills and apply them to your interactions with women, people in general, and even for public speaking? Here's what you do:


Remove these things from your speech, ummm, because, errr, they are redundant and make people lose interest. Analyse your speech and you will either errr, ummm, or use the elongated "and" to fill space between thoughts. What do you need to do instead?


A pause draws people in, it is a tool of politicians and skilled public speakers. By pausing at key points people start to hang on your every word. Try it out, coupled with the above, you are already better than 99% of people.


Or at least seem to be doing so. Speak with passion. If you do not seem enthusiastic or passionate about something, it doesn't matter how interesting the thing is that you are talking about, people will lose interest.

If you do this right, women will get caught up in your story and start to feel emotions too. Tony Robbins is an excellent example of someone who seems to always speak with passion and emotion.


Make eye contact with the woman or with each member of the group. Never look down, and don't look away. When you make eye contact with someone, they pay more attention. If you are looking away, their attention can wonder and they will lose interest. With a group, pay attention to each member of the group so that you keep them all interested.


Use of gestures is something that is most important with larger groups. Movement catches the eye's attention more than anything else, so if the group is too big to hold eye contact with, use of gestures will help to keep them focused on you.


Being expressive in your face draws people in. Try to hold a poker face when speaking about something really fun and see the negative effect. Emotion expressed generates an emotional response in the woman.


A sure-fire way to hold attention is to vary the voice tone. This takes practice, and shouldn't be taken too far, but a bit of voice tone variation adds a lot. Try reading the most interesting thing in the world in a monotone and you'll see what I mean.

If you follow all these tips, you will be better socially, more successful with women and could be a great public speaker or salesman!

PuaTraining is the UK's leading pickup and dating specialists offering personalized training programs and their new live-in programs. Gambler is the man

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Tranceboy - Web The Art Of Seduction
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Check Your Ego At The Door

Check Your Ego At The Door Image
Let's talk a little about relationships today...

Anyone who has read me knows that there is something I say over and over again (because it is so important!): To be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop the ego. This is absolutely essential to finding an amazing relationship, but it's equally critical to maintaining and continually improving a relationship once you're already in it.

Nothing will kill a relationship (even the best of relationships) more quickly than ego. Here are 6 ways your ego can kill your relationship, and how to avoid having your ego ruin your relationship.

1.RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO DEFEND YOURSELF: Think about the number of times you've fought with a significant other, and whenever things get a little heated you start to defend yourself. All you hear is you being attacked, and you immediately go into "defending yourself" mode. Do you know that when you defend yourself in a fight, what's really happening is your ego is defending itself.

It also means that you've stopped listening to the other person. If someone tells you that they don't like the way you've been acting lately, why not hear them out instead of defending yourself? It will almost always create a MUCH better outcome.

2.TO LOVE YOURSELF AND SOMEONE ELSE COMPLETELY YOU MUST SEPARATE THE EGO: In order to truly love someone, you must separate your ego from yourself. This is also true if you want to be able to totally love yourself. Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world of course, so let's get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let's acknowledge it and embrace that we need to separate the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone.

3.YOUR EGO CAN RUIN ANY CONVERSATION: The truth is that no matter how much you prepare, plan and hope for a good conversation with your significant other, your ego is the one thing that will consistently ruin any conversation you're about to have if you let it.

Let's say your significant other is frustrated with you in one way or another and really needs to express something about that to you. How do you respond? If you let your ego get involved and you defend yourself, it means that you're not listening to them.

In order to really listen to somebody, it's uncomfortable. Sometimes your significant other has things that are really bothering them about which they want to talk to you, but which you would rather not hear. To maintain a great relationship, however, you can't let your ego keep you from really listening.

4.YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO DROP THE EGO AND LEARN TO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP: If you want to really be able to get deep with someone and take your relationship to a deep level, then you need to be able to take your ego out of the equation. You will always attract somebody who is just like yourself, because you really attract who you are as a person. Also, your significant other is going to do things that you don't recognize. It may be voices, patterns, communication styles or other things with which you aren't familiar.

You need to be open and able to learn these things about your significant other, and your ego will keep you from doing this every time. All of us need to learn things about our significant other every single day. We need to learn our significant other's communication style, because many times your communication styles will be very different.

5.DROPPING THE EGO DOESNT MEAN YOU NEED TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE: It can take a lot for you to drop the ego, really listen to your significant other and realize that they need you say something in a different way or understand how the way you communicate may make them feel a certain way. A lot of people misunderstand these kind of requests as being their significant other's attempt to change them. It's not.

They're not trying to change you, they are trying to improve the way you communicate with each other. They are trying to get the two of you to be able to communicate better than you ever have in the past. Don't let your ego get in the way. Embrace this!

6. EGO CAUSES THOSE LOW BLOWERS WHICH ARE THE BIGGEST RELATIONSHIP KILLERS: Do you get frustrated when you're having an argument with a significant other? Of course, we all do. When that happens, though, sometimes the ego will cause you to hurl what I call "low blowers" at the other person.

You're feeling hurt, so you lash out and say something you know will make the other person hurt too. It was not only hurtful, but inevitably something stupid. By listening to your significant other, instead of lashing out from your ego, you can get through an argument without these low blows and they will be much more constructive (and not destructive to your relationship).

So the next time you see your ego getting involved in your relationship, get rid of it! If you find yourself defending yourself or not allowing you to really listen, then you need to take a step back. Listen carefully to what's really being said, and use it to create the most amazing relationship.


Suggested free e-books to read:

John Grinder - Turtles All The Way Down
Joseph Matthews - Break Out Of The Friends Zone
Robert Anue - Evil Pattern The Door

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