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DONOVAN: My first question is how did you get your start as a dating coach?
DAVID WYGANT: You know, that's a great question. I get asked that question all the time. And I've been doing this for ten years now, and I was doing it before it was really cool. You know, there was a couple guys of guys around - actually there was one guy around that I knew who was doing it when I did it and that was Ross Jeffries and as you know Ross does more seduction and NLP stuff and there was a couple of other guys but I didn't really know them and it was just - it was like one of those things that I wanted to do something to help people but I wasn't quite sure what it was so I moved to Los Angeles from San Diego.
I was teaching sales seminars and motivational seminars about how to become rich, and the problem was that everyone wanted to become rich but no one wanted to do the work, so it wasn't really fun teaching these people because they just wanted to make money but didn't want to develop the inner confidence so I was in Los Angeles and I was really tired of bars and clubs and everything else. I thought bars and clubs were for people that - you know for kids in their twenties. You know, I just didn't want to do it anymore.
I didn't want to stand in a bar, so I started dating out of the Coffee Bean in Brentwood and Whole Foods in Brentwood and Blockbuster. And I would hang out on a Saturday and these guys would ask me how my week was and I'd say "It's great. I met this girl Tuesday night. We went out Tuesday night. I met this other girl when I was renting a movie Wednesday and went to her house and rented a movie with her." And all of a sudden these guys started following me into Whole Foods. Every time I went there to get a sandwich, I would say "Watch my dog" and they would say "No, we want to watch you in Whole Foods." And they would follow me, and they would take notes, and they said "This is like a bootcamp, man. This is so cool!" And the numbers started increasing. It started with two and one weekend I looked around - I had 20 guys sitting there waiting for me to get up. Every time I got up, they got up. Every time I sat down, they sat down. And I looked at this, and I looked around, and I realized that there was probably a good salary sitting there.
DONOVAN: (Laughs)
DAVID WYGANT: And I was like "This is crazy, I can charge for this!" Then I started charging, and people started coming to it, and that's how the bootcamps grew. I mean, I did this based on really trying to find something that really suited my personality that I would love.
DONOVAN: That's awesome! How did you get good at dating to become an authority in it?
DAVID WYGANT: You know, it's funny. Dating I learned - and you know there were a couple of moments in my life. You know, one, I realized that standing around in a bar or a restaurant was a waste of time. I remember one - no, I remember two things. I was living in Colorado. I was walking out of the supermarket. My hair was standing up on end. I just had a two hour massage. I just worked twelve hours. And you know you're in that mindset where you're just not in the mood to talk. And this gorgeous woman walked in, and you know how it is. It's like slow-motion when they walk in, right? And then all of a sudden I saw her and she smiled and I smiled at her and the next thing you know - I just - she walked by me, I walked by her, I walked to the car - like any average chump would do. Got in the car, started the car, and I realized at that moment "What am I doing? What the fuck? What am I doing? Why am I not going in there and talking to her?" And, you know, then I thought to myself "What am I going to say to her? What am I going to do?" And it's not like I didn't have game. It's not like I wasn't good with women. I just didn't recognize opportunities all the time.
I decided that was going to be the night I was going to tell the truth. So I walked in - I turned the car off, I walked in the market, I saw her in the fruits and vegetables section. I walked over, I looked at her, and said "Hey." I said "Don't say a word." She said "Why?" And I told her exactly what I did - I went to the car, I thought about it. I was thinking about what to say. You know I started laughing a little bit. She started laughing. When I was done with my little speech, you know, my minute speech, she looked at me and goes "My name is " And of course I don't remember what her name was because it was such a long time ago, right? We spent the next three days together. And that moment made me realize that opportunities were everywhere and I was just wasting time. And, I mean, I've been in a lot of people-related businesses - bars and so forth - so I just started meeting women everywhere and started realizing that if you treat women like you treat your friends, and if you're honest and you talk to them and if you have no expectations, then you can become phenomenal at dating and women would start calling and chasing you. And it just became this like snowball effect. I mean I would study people, but it's just - I mean - it's a lifetime - I'm 45 - it's a lifetime of experience to get me where I am right now.
DONOVAN: Wow. The next question, can you relate a success story about one of your coaching clients?
DAVID WYGANT: I've got so many. I've coached over 1000 people privately from my bootcamps and everything, but I'll give you probably one of my favorite stories over the last couple of weeks. Because every week I work with different people. And I'm going to tell you about a guy who came to one of my bootcamps. He was a guy that was, he was not bad lookin', you know just what everyone would consider an average guy. You know, nice smile, kinda short. You know, insecure. Absolutely could not meet a woman ANYWHERE, except you know unless she fell in his lap and it was easy.
So we're doing the bootcamp and we're walking around. And when I do a bootcamp I'm taking guys out. I'm with them the entire time. I'm engaging. I'm teaching them. I'm teaching them how to meet women. So we're standing on the street, and I said to him "Look, I'm going to get a sandwich. Here's my dog." So, you know, my dog sat by his side cause my dog doesn't need a leash and sat by the side. All of a sudden he sees this woman, and he thinks to himself "What would David do in this situation?" Right? So she's walking a dog. All of a sudden he blurts out something like "I don't know if our dogs make a good match. What do you think?" He said ANYTHING - but based on what I taught him: the power of observation - relating to something a woman's already thinking about - her dog. She stopped. They started talking. Another one of the guys in the bootcamp migrated over. He tried to butt in the conversation. She pushed him out and started talking to him.
I went out there and I figured I wanted to check up on him. I started trying to talk to the girl. She pushed me out and kept talking to him. Finally after about 15 minutes, she looks at him and says "Well maybe I'll see you around the neighborhood." He says "Well, I don't live here." She says "Well, that doesn't matter. We should get together another time." And he says "Absolutely." And she wrote her phone number on his arm cause he didn't have a piece of paper nor his cell phone with me cause I had a no cell phone rule during the bootcamp. He looked at me and he said to me, he said "David," he said "A woman picked me over you. Obviously I learned some pretty good shit this weekend!"
DONOVAN: (Laughs) Nice!
DAVID WYGANT: And that to me made me so happy, because you know what? It's all about the student and all about teaching them how to really relate perfectly to women. But man, my student outdoing me after a weekend means that I did my job cause that never happened to him in his entire life.
He never met a beautiful - I mean this woman was not average looking. She was hot, and the moral of the story is: Any guy can meet any woman because I've been coaching women too for 10 years, and what men don't realize is that men are so visual and we find something we like and immediately we get a crush on it. But women, they don't know what they like until you walk in with confidence, attitude and everything else. All of a sudden you might be short and bald, and the woman will go "Oh my God, I'm so turned on by the short bald guy because of the way he's carrying himself and the way he talks and listens to me." It's really that simple.
DONOVAN: That's awesome. And what do you think guys greatest mistake with women is?
DAVID WYGANT: The greatest mistake guys make with women is that they think they have to memorize a routine to meet a woman. Guys make it so much harder for themselves than it really is. I am so anti-routine, it's unbelievable. You know, I look at routines and I think to myself "Why would some guy want to be a robot, because once that robotic routine is over you go out on a date - the next thing you know you go out on a date, the woman expects the robotic routine guy and you're still the same person. So what guys don't realize is that women are so easy to meet if you spend time working on your inner game. And how do you work on inner game? You develop real confidence, ok? You start observing life. You start observing women. You start looking at what they're doing, and you talk to to them about things they're doing at the moment so the conversation is casual.
For instance, if a woman is in a supermarket. She's standing in line behind you, and she has a bag of chips, a thing of sushi and some orange juice. Make a comment about her food cause she's already thinking about it. The next thing you know, you're having a casual conversation based on the food and she starts talking about your food and you can start leveling down in that conversation. What guys think they have to do, is they think they have to come up with something really clever. But it's not being clever, it's being observant and saying something that's in the moment because guys ruin it by being routine-based and they take a woman out of their mindset and then the woman looks at them as "Why is this idiot performing a routine on me?" They've seen them already, so I teach guys how to be real and not be the clich'e. So guys don't realize how simple it is to talk to women. I think that's the number one thing they don't realize is that you just need to say something, and if you say it with authority a woman's going to respond to you.
DONOVAN: Yeah. I think a lot of the reasons guys use a routine is because they haven't had that success with women, and they - they're looking for, uh, sort of something that can bridge that gap for them in their mind. But, what - with that - I know you're anti-routine, what is the best way for a guy to become more observant and become more charismatic in a natural way?
DAVID WYGANT: You know it's really easy, and something I do with every client. I just did it with a client in DC, and the guys, and in one week he transformed his entire life. He used to go out and think about what to say, think about what to do. And I said "You know what? Instead of doing this - Instead going out there thinking about the date and trying to get the number, spend two days just observing and walking around your life. Take a notebook with you. Take your BlackBerry. Do some mental notes, you know, type in some mental notes on your BlackBerry.
Go around and every time you see a woman, observe what she's doing. So you're in supermarket. You see a woman. She's looking at Cap'n Crunch. Write down 'I saw a woman in Whole Foods today looking at Cap'n Crunch.'" Then the next exercise is, "What would you say to her in that situation?" And it's funny. We've been taught to be so anti-intuitive our entire life, that if you go back to the basics and you start working on your intuition again, all of a sudden you start coming up with your own opening lines. And I've got a lot of products that teach guys how to come up with their own openers and get comfortable with it, because your own opener is the best thing because you can actually talk about it. So this client of mine went in. This is actually a story from his existence. He actually was in Whole Foods. This woman looked at Peanut Butter Bumpers. All of a sudden he did this exercise, and he said "Peanut Butter Bumpers? What are you - a child?" Right?
He sent all his own openers back to me over the next two days, and I said to him "Everything you thought about was actually 100% correct because you stopped thinking and started reacting." When you stop thinking and start reacting, the things you initially think about are the most powerful openers that you could possibly come up with because there are things that you notice. That's why bars don't work, because there's nothing in a bar that really - you really have to be very clever and you really have to be very funny and I've got five or six openers for bars that work. But you know what, in every day life you're doing things that you normally do so you have something to talk about in every situation. And when you have something to talk about in every situation, you're able to actually open her based on something you're already knowledgeable about so you'll have a conversation instead of wondering what to say.
DONOVAN: Huh. That's a good point! In your personal experience, what's the best place and/or location to find a quality girlfriend?
DAVID WYGANT: Uh, there's so many quality girlfriends. I believe in breaking it down into 20, 20, 20, 20, 20 - that's five twenties. My math is off. Um, I like the Internet, for one. Um, the Internet's wonderful for a couple reasons, and I do the Internet a lot different. I don't contact women - I see who looked at me and I basically contact them and I bust them. I've got a great Internet opener I use all the time. I like to do your daily routine.
Your daily routine should be broken down. 20% of it should be your lunch routine, meaning where do you go to lunch every single day. You see the same people every day. Your office building you see the same people every single day. On a subway to work if you live in a city. On a bus to work if you take a bus. You know, whatever it might be. Whatever you do during the day are things that you need to start doing because you can talk to people who work in the same area so you'll have something in common. Another thing is your daily routines on the weekends.
Those are really good too because women are really vulnerable on the weekends because what happens is - is that they've been chased by a bunch of horny hungry drunken wolves on a Friday night and they're alone on a Saturday. I love to meet women alone on a Saturday and Sunday, anywhere from the malls to the bookstores. You know, just doing the things I like to do. Because if you do what you like to do, and women are doing what they like to do, you've got something to talk about. Then I like parties. I like to get invited to little parties. Maybe art gallery openings. Maybe, you know, store openings. Whatever it is. Get invited to some sort of party, because once again that's something that might be an interest of you and you're able to go and actually have a conversation.
Then the last bit - the last little bit - is just going out at night. But I like to go out and do alternate nights. Instead of going out to a bar on a Friday night, I'll go to like - I'll go to a bookstore and I'll go talk to a woman in a bookstore because, you know, she doesn't want to deal with drunken guys. Or I'll go to cafes where women are sitting at. There are a lot of coffee shops that are really cool at night, and women are there trying to get away from the hungry horny guys, so I'll go in, bring a book and a magazine, and I'll start a conversation.
I tell a guy to look at your entire life, figure out the things you like to do - the five or six things you like to do - look at where you find women, and that's where you start cultivating meetings that are natural and easy.
DONOVAN: Huh. Umm. Ok. I'm just going through some of my questions here. Some of them are self-evident by this point. (Laughs) Would you have any techniques or methods for enlarging your social circle?
DAVID WYGANT: Yeah, I mean there's a couple different things. And what men make - you know guys, men, boys, whatever it is, whoever's listening to this and reading this - the number one mistake that guys make besides trying to complicate things, is that they just don't enlarge their social circle. Meaning, that they're out. They're, you know, they're sitting in a coffee shop and they're waiting for the one woman that they're attracted to to walk in. I tell them to talk to everybody. Talk to the men.
Talk to the women. Because what happens is the more people you get to know, the easier it is to meet people. For instance, when I moved to Los Angeles I went to Coffee Bean Tea Leaf, sat there, talked to every single person, and after a month when I went to the supermarket and the woman - the chubby woman I wasn't really attracted to but I talked to her cause she was really nice- I ran into her at Whole Foods and she had a beautiful friend with her. I walked directly over to her and I already - I had instant social proof. You know, I was a friend of hers. I got to meet her good-looking friend. So I tell guys talk to everybody. Remember things about everybody.
I don't care if it's the person cutting your meat and putting, you know, the roast beef on your sandwich. I don't care if it's the person who works at the Post Office. Cause all these people are people who will enlarge your social circle, and each of them will introduce you to that beautiful woman without you having to do anything. It's about attracting women, and this attracts them. It's such a simple approach that most men forget to do.
DONOVAN: Hmm. Something I've found because I live in a cold climate, and it's a desolate region, what are some things - some date ideas - that you have for people who live in the not-so-glamorous areas of the country?
DAVID WYGANT: Well, here's the thing. I mean first dates to me are just - if you're going to go out to dinner, you're conducting an interview. I like dates - I like dates that are fun, and women like dates that are adventurous. So I like to head indoors. One of my favorite things to do, and I set it up perfectly with a woman on the phone. I'll start talking to her a little bit, you know, and I'll say "You know what? I haven't been to Target in so long. I've got to get some stuff for the house." Women love Target. I mean, they just love it. I mean, it's like, it's fun. You can go to Target and it's like an adult playground. You can go there and play baseball in the middle of the aisles. You can sit in the home and garden section and crack open a box of wine. I mean, there's plenty of things to do. But what I like to do is go to Target cause it's an adventure date inside. And when I get there. You know, we're shopping a little bit. I look at her and go "Do you want to play a game? Have you played Treasure Hunt yet?" She'll say "What's Treasure Hunt?" because women are like little kids. Man, they just want to have a good time. And I'll go "Treasure Hunt - I'll tell you what. I'm feeling really generous today.
You can buy anything - or, you know what, I'll buy you ANYTHING for $1.79. No, make it $1.73. But you've got to find something for EXACTLY $1.73, and you can spend the next two hours COMBING, combing Target for stuff that's a buck seventy-three." And she'll put it in, she'll look at it, she'll try to bargain an extra nickel, she'll be willing to put a dime in to get something else. I mean, it's a blast and it's fun, and then she has a takeaway from the date. She remembers that date. And that means so much more to her than a bottle of wine spent in a restaurant. Other things I like to do - go to like, you know, kind of small little stores and walk around. Go to the mall and walk around.
You know, do things that are just activity dates so you don't have to be sitting across from each other. I like to take a walk in the park, then go grab some hot chocolate in a cool little cafe. That way you get warm together. You get to talk about, you know, things, but, you know, active moving instead of sitting.
DONOVAN: Ok. Then to sum it up, what products do you have that are your basic fundamental products and what do they help with specifically?
DAVID WYGANT: I've got a lot of different products. I'd say, but one of the products - it depends on what the guy's looking for. I mean, my favorite product is my Men's Mastery Series for every reason because it's 8 hours of pure, you know, inner game to outer game. It's going to teach you how to be confident. It's going to teach you how to observe women. It's going to teach you how to understand women. It's going to teach you how to open women. It's going to teach you how to have sex with women. It's going to show you how to be the man that women are looking for, but what it's gonna do is it's really going to open your eyes to everything because - It's funny, a guy just ordered my, uh, Mastery Series a few days ago. He lives in Brazil. He used one of my observational openers that I have in the Mastery Series, and he met one of the biggest tv stars that in Brazil.
Because he didn't get intimidated. There's an exercise I have in there that teaches you how to - how to basically turn on sexual chemistry and elevate sexual attraction within the first 15 seconds, because what men don't realize is that women think of sex IMMEDIATELY. If you walk over to them the correct way, and I teach men the walk. If you walk correctly over to a woman and look at her the way she wants to be looked at, she's going to look at you as her next potential sex partner immediately. And there's a few tricks that I teach guys in there. But I really go through everything on teaching men how to be a real man instead of a performing robot who's routine-based. It teaches you how to be natural and attract, and have women come after you instead of you chasing women all the time.
"I'M GOING TO BE ADDING DAVID WYGANT TO MY LIST OF TOP DATING COACHES OF 2007 BECAUSE I'VE HAD MANY READERS EMAIL ME AND ASK ME TO INCLUDE HIM. I WAS SO IMPRESSED WITH DAVID THAT I'M TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM TO START AN EXCLUSIVE COLUMN HERE, IT MIGHT BE A HARD SELL, BUT I'M GONNA DO MY BEST. - DONOVAN"
Here are David's flagship products:
Tranceboy - Fast Seduction 101 Player Guide
Derek Rake - Deadly Seduction Manuscript
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To Friend or Not to Friend
"By: Cristin Lowe"
It's no big secret that a breakup results in a division of friends along with the furniture. But what happens with your Facebook "friends" post-separation? Is "unfriending" your ex and his or her friends the right thing to do after the end of a relationship goes public?
I've been unfriended by my brother-in-law's ex after they broke up. Twice. I can't say I regretted it (or even noticed exactly when it happened, if I'm being honest), and there was a guilty sense of relief that I no longer had to take a side. After all, it didn't matter that she was a lovely person and we might have been friends had she never been in a relationship with my brother-in-law because let's face it: we both knew my loyalty lay with him. And that unspoken loyalty ended a friendship that never really existed outside of occasional text messages, the Holidays, and, of course, Facebook.
I've also chosen not to friend another friend's significant other simply because I was pretty confident that relationship wasn't going to be of the "always and forever, 'til death do us part" variety. To date, they've proven me wrong, but I still have enough doubt that there is no way I am going to take the initiative to reach out and friend him. Thankfully, he doesn't strike me as the assertive type, so I think I'm safe from having to ignore his friend request. Crossing my fingers.
Years ago, before I began dating my now-husband, I got to personally experience the awkwardness of dividing up friends after a breakup. Luckily for me, at that time he didn't know what Facebook was, so other than his extremely angry and bitter sister unfriending me over the breakup, it never really became an issue. At the same time, it's always struck me as a little odd knowing that through our numerous remaining Facebook friends-in-common, we could keep tabs on each other despite not having spoken in years.
Some people remain Facebook friends with their ex in order to continue "spying" on him or her. Or else they task their friends to keep up to date on the latest happenings with the "other side." Does she have a new boyfriend? Does he look happy? Is she sharing personal divorce details with her friend community? Has he changed his status to "single" yet? The list goes on and on. If you are in the silent guilty majority of people who engage in this behavior, just remember that so long as you're focusing on the other person, you're not going to be able to move forward with your life.
Others take the opposite stance. They fill their Facebook page with pictures of their glamorous new lives filled with freedom. Their status updates are full of breezy comments about how great things are going and how happy they are. Often times these comments and pictures refer to a new significant other. Instead of being the jealous parties, they are doing everything they can to make the other side jealous. Unfortunately, just like the other group of individuals, they also remain focused on the past, not the present or future.
You need to be brutally honest with yourself. If you can't resist the temptation to spy or listen to your friends share information about the ex, that's a clear sign you need to hit that unfriend button and give your real friends strict instructions "not" to give you updates by proxy. Make sure that you keep your own posts appropriate. By appropriate, I mean that if your ex was to print out your status update or comments, you wouldn't be concerned if your words were shown to your divorce judge or your kids. Encourage your friends not to post their feelings about your breakup on their own walls, just in case your children happen to come across those posts.
Regardless of what you choose with your Facebook friends after a breakup, remember that what matters is that you want to be fully in charge of your own virtual community. You should get to the point where it doesn't matter whether you or your friends unfriend the other side. After all, the point of ending a relationship is to move on, right?
Suggested free e-books to read:
Juggler - How To Meet And Connect With WomenJoseph Matthews - Break Out Of The Friends Zone
Joseph Matthews - The Boyfriend Is Not An Obstacle
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Friendly - If you are on date with quiet friendly person then better to choose a place like shopping place, restaurants, cinema, fashion hub etc. This place would help to make your bound quiet special with him/her.
Funny - If you partner got the nice sense of humor and got the funny nature then nothing can beat a comedy movie or show. It will be better to enjoy the time while visiting the light place.
Adventurous - In current world, everybody lives properly without any fear or tension. Even girls have also started enjoying the adventurous life. If you got the adventurous partner then spend time while swimming, water park, etc.
Dating location is an important part of date and make sure that you choose the location according to the nature of your partner. A right location can decide the destiny of your date. It is advisable to enjoy the time rather than to make him/her happy. Be yourself and enjoy the precious time with you partner at nice place.
Suggested free e-books to read:
James Friesen - The Fine Art Of Attraction And SeductionDavid Deangelo - Double Your Dating Attraction Is Not A Choice
Chris Jackson - Importance Of Non Verbal Communication In Military Leadership
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