WOULD I PUT HIM IN AN AWKWARD POSITION IF I ASK HIM OUT FOR COFFEE?
This is my situation:
-He is my old teacher from a univ. class I've taken.
-He is a phd student at the university I attend.
-He lives with his girlfriend.
-I am in a long term relationship with someone else, but things haven't been working OUT well between me and my boyfriend.
-I have a crush on this person.
Would things be awkward if I ASKHIMOUTFORCOFFEE knowing he has a girlfriend? Would my action hint HIM I have a crush on HIM?
ANSWERS:
It might be a little awkward considering his an old teacher of yours, but if the age isnt that very far apart then that shouldnt be an issue.
However i suspect you will be declined considering he lives with his girlfriend and most likely asking him to coffee would hint the having a crush.
Maybe try just talking to him as a friend first and then being like we should hang out sometime or something like that.
Carol asks...
HOW DID YOU FINALLY ASK OUT THAT LONGTIME PROFESSOR CRUSH (AND HOW LONG DID YOU WAIT)?
This is not your typical prof-student love story, though it has similarities with many. I was 19 the first time I saw HIM in the hall and found HIM attractive immediately, though I bet most wouldn't. I generally date smart weirdos, and he caught my attention instantly. After enrolling and dropping OUT of college a few times, I found myself in the classroom with HIM at 25. My initial judgment of smart weirdo was correct- he was everything I'd hoped FOR: quirky, honest, creative, gentle, intelligent. I did my best to keep the attraction a secret, working to keep the lusty stares to a minimum during class. This was mainly OUT of shyness and respect FOR his job (and my education!) I made it through the semester with HIM, and the current semester will be my last (I am getting ready to transfer, woo!). I'm still curious: what makes HIM tick? What does his hair feel like? What is that necklace peeking OUT of his shirt collar? I must know. So: now the question is how to proceed and when exactly? He knows who I am, but is not the type to flirt with students, at all. I've never seen it- which is part of why I never tried. I want to know if this crush (that has been going on since '03!) is justified- I want to see HIM outside campus. I think my rationality is part of what makes the whole thing plausible- I am not uncontrollably obsessed, and I refuse to be used in some sort of "power" thing. I just would really like to find OUT- ASKHIMOUT, see if he's the quality of person I'd like to see more of, take it from there.
I know that alot of naysayers will probably respond: "I was 18, we was 45, he lied when he said he was single!", "he broke my heart!", "its unethical and probably risky" - save it, I know. I understand you're trying to help, but no thank you, I'm ready to find OUT even if it means I might get hurt. I'm asking COFFEEFOR heavens sake, the worst he can do is say no. My mind is pretty much made up, I'm interested in hearing from people who actually made a move, FOR better or worse, how they approached it, and the fall-OUT.
Let's hear it, folks!
ANSWERS:
Engage him in a conversation. Tell him you are transferring to another college in February (or whenever). Ask him if he'd like to have a cup of coffee with you (Barnes & Noble or name a place) in March.
I met up with a secret crush several years later and found the interest I had in him was all in my head. He was nothing like I remembered. We just had a couple of drinks and went our separate ways.
A teacher friend of mine had a student ask him out and they dated for several months. There was a 20 year gap in their ages. They even lived together for a while until she discovered he was just too quirky.
My dad (a jr high math teacher) often was asked out by former students and he politely turned them down - he was married. He wasn't flattered. It irritated him. (I overheard him complaining.)
I say go for it, but wait until the month before you transfer. Most schools have rules against dating active (at that school) students.
Joseph asks...
SHOULD I ASK HIM OUT FOR COFFEE?
I was talking to this guy i met, we flirted a bit on facebook but i got bored of that. I told HIM to come with me to the movies and he said yes, we never went. I don't see HIM as a potential boyfriend or anything, i just want to be friends. Should i ASKHIMOUTFORCOFFEE?
ANSWERS:
Sure. If he accepts a movie, you should definately ask him out for coffee. That would strenghthen your friendship.
Chris asks...
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT A GUY WILL SAY YES IF I ASK HIM OUT FOR COFFEE?
If I see a goodlooking guy on the street, and he is a complete stranger. What are the chances that he will say yes if I approach HIM and said something like "hi, would you like to go OUTFORCOFFEE sometime?"
If that line doesnt work, what will?
I read about researchers who did a study on this before.
Thanks!
ANSWERS:
Not with a line like that. Better would be. "Say, I dislike drinking coffee alone. Would you join me for a few minutes, please?"
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