Boundaries in Dating By Henry Cloud & John Townsend
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Henry Cloud and John Townsend claim that character, not method, is the real key to finding a quality partner. If you have good character, then just about any matchmaking methodology will work.
If, on the other hand, you have problems relating to others or are simply a rotten person, then no method you attempt to adapt will help you to overcome these handicaps.
Of course, those who aren't nice to begin with but know how to manipulate people may be able to scam a few people here and there, but more often than not, this always leads to big trouble in relationships" in "describes where boundaries are needed, ways to set them, and how to enforce the consequences when they are violated.
Personally, this all sounds a bit controllish to me, but the authors view these things as tools that reveal someone's true character.
Of course, as good Christians, the authors are not insinuating that you dismiss someone for treating you badly. If the person shows remorse for hurting you, they should be given another chance.
If you want to believe that being yourself is your best bet for fining the perfect person for you, then perhaps Boundaries in Dating might teach you something you need to know before you head out there to find love.
RATING: 3 OUT OF 5
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Social Status is defined by each encounter you have with other people. Specifically with guys, your status is typically defined by your interactions with other guys.
You can either be dominant or submissive... and this even happens within your close circle of friends. There is ALWAYS some jockeying for position.
"So how do you know when you're status is being challenged?"
Well... some of may think it's pretty obvious, but it's all related to stress...
FOR EXAMPLE: Picture a social setting of a crowded room of people at a party. Two men end up locking into a short staring contest across the room. If both men hold the stare and recognize that it is going on, this is an immediate dominance contest.
The act of staring right at another man is a challenge to his social status. The staring is meant to increase the other mans stress level and make him feel uncomfortable until he breaks off the staring contest and looks away.
At this point whoever looks away is typically submitting to the other man, and by looking away he is also admitting he is the subordinate. Interestingly enough... what follows is usually a change in posture and body language to show that submissive behavior (like he took your mojo... lol)
Strangely enough, what also may happen is a measurable drop in testosterone!
Now that is something that you don't want to have happen, because it can throw you of your game.
But there's more...
The man who 'wins' the staring contest has a rise in testosterone... furthering his feelings of status and giving him a boost of confidence.
His posture may also change to a more upright position and he may have more of a strut to his walk.
Naturally, less sophisticated and immature men might ride this feeling into more staring contests and develop a cocky attitude. Of course, this is usually just a recipe for getting a broken nose once he picks the wrong person to 'challenge'... at least in my neck of the woods!
The point isn't to seek out these 'dominance contests', rather it is to recognize that these things can happen at the spur of the moment with an accidental look at someone. So you might as well be ready when it happens.
Any confrontation that produces a feeling of stress like this is a direct challenge to your social status.
When these situations happen, for your sake, you have to meet the challenge and maintain your composure... but pick your spots.
Most of the time the other man isn't interested in a fight or even has an issue with you. He probably just recognizes you both ended up in an accidental stare and he also doesn't want to back off and show subordination.
If anything this is probably a guy you might want to befriend as he is obviously showing alpha male traits. A simple nod of the head indicates that you acknowledge his presence but you're not backing down either (or maybe even a smile and a wink)
This is a classy way to hold your status when inadvertent stare downs happen.
Social dominance and status contests happen all the time.
SPECIAL NOTE: Be aware of your surroundings and pick your spots and never let your status drop in front of a woman you're interested in, but don't try to stare down the president in the white house either.
Maintain your status with class and you'll also gain the other man's respect... and the attraction from your "lady" friends.
QUESTION: HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE A STATUS CHALLENGE LIKE THIS?
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