It's an old self-help aphorism that people are motivated to either move towards pleasure, or to move away from pain. For most people, the move away from pain is a much stronger motivator than the move towards pleasure. This has become codified in the well-known marketing aphorism that "painkillers sell better than vitamins." That's a metaphor, of course - it applies to everything from software to appliances to insurance.
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Things that "stop you from feeling bad right now" or fix your problems typically sell better than those that "make you feel better in the long term" or create new opportunities. This little quirk of the mind has profound consequences on your confidence, and specifically, your confidence with women when you are trying to get women. Let's jump ahead a little bit and think about what it takes to sleep with a woman and attract women.
Specifically, we want to consider all the major points at which you might get rejected:
- When you make eye contact - does she return it?
- When you approach her - does she engage in a conversation?
- When you ask for her number - does she give it to you?
- When you call her up - does she answer?
- When you ask her out - does she agree, and not flake?
- If you go on multiple dates - does she continue to join you?
- When you go for the kiss - does she kiss you back?
- When you invite her back to yours - does she come?
- When you go for the gold - does she award you the medal?
Damn! Depending on how many dates it takes you to get to sex, that's between six and twelve (or more) opportunities that one woman has to reject you before you're doing the no-pants-dance. Lots of potential roadblocks and pitfalls when trying to attract women. And never mind all the opportunities you have to make yourself out to be a total ass along the way.
Later in this book, I'll be giving you detailed procedures for getting through each one and still being able to get women. But for now, let's consider that, with this perilous path in front of you, it's easy to forget about the finish line. And that, my friend, is because of pain and fear. Rejection isn't pleasant, and depending on how fragile your ego is and how many people are watching (or how many you think may be watching), it could be more than merely unpleasant for you.
I've worked with men who break out in sweats or feel the need to vomit when they're faced with the prospect of starting a conversation with a woman in a bar. I've worked with others who eject from a conversation after ten minutes, telling me that they didn't want to "screw it up." And I've worked with others still who can have a four-hour conversation with a woman, build a deep connection with her, and end up in the friend zone for failing to take it sexual.
The cause of all of these is the same: fear of rejection when trying to attract women. And the case that I'm trying to make is that one of our biggest impediments with women is our own fear. I hope you're with me on that one. Dealing with - and beating - this fear, is the challenge of your life as a single man.
As far as I see it there are three things that will help you get past it:
- Understanding female psychology, and why they accept or reject men
- Having a plan - knowing what to say and how to get what you want
- Being awesome, confident and leading with your desires
Find out more about how to attract women today.
Brian Caniglia - Online Dating Secrets
Dr Peter Davies - Hopes And Fears
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