Maybe I should be more selective with my newsletter titles.
Also, an interesting observation:
I send this weekly newsletter to my whole list which includes everyone who's signed up for my free 10 day bootcamp. Every week there are some people who are away and have autoresponders, so I get things like,
"Hi! I'm at the national pole vaulting competition this week, but I'll be sure to get back to you next week."
I could write a whole newsletter on how weird it is to treat your e-mail like an answering machine, but I'll keep that to myself.
What IS interesting, however, is that this week all of the autoresponders were from GIRLS. Apparently we're being spied on, gentlemen.
That's actually fine with me, though. I've told hundreds of girls about pickup, my involvement in it, and my wholehearted support of it. I haven't ever had a bad reaction.
It all has to with how YOU feel about it, not how SHE feels about it. More about that in my book, or maybe I'll address it in a future article.
Also, two guys wrote me back and asked for dates, so maybe girls aren't the ONLY ones spying on us.
Moving right along
Hey Tynan,
My friend and I were discussing the fact that we don't need to pay for things when out with chicks. It's a great rule in the game, and we're all for it. But what to do when the waiter comes and she says nothing?
If the waiter just sets it on the table, and you're not intending to pay for the girl, but she says nothing, or even that she DOES say something like, "aren't you going to pay for me?", how do you usually handle it.
At the moment, my buddy's technique if she expects him to pay he will, but fly off after and not pursue her anymore. Surely here's a better, and easier, way to neg the girl for being like this?
Any pointers on this would be great, because although it's easy to say you won't pay for girls, it gets harder when the situation arises and she expects it.
Cheers,
D
D, I could kiss you right now. This is a great question.
I'm psyched to answer it because it's something I'm VERY passionate about, so this will be a long one.
Other than the right to eat bacon cheeseburgers, I'm all for women having equal rights. Want to go to the same schools as men? Great! Want to be in the army? Really? Awesome. Want to get equal jobs and equal pay? Perfect.
In fact, I'd like to treat women equally in every way.
And guess what that includes paying for themselves.
We used to have to pay for women because they couldn't or weren't expected to work. Fair enough. They invest their time around the house and we invest our time earning money. It worked out.
But now that they earn as much as we do (not in all cases, but it's in the same ballpark), we're still supposed to pay?
I don't think so.
That's like George Bush leaving office next year and saying "Well, I WAS president, so I think I should still be able to make up some laws."
Actually, I wouldn't be surprised to hear him say that. Moving on
So what is the purpose of paying for girls if it's not to provide what they can't provide for themselves?
It's to buy her time. Period.
A while back I put a personals ad up for one of my girl friends. She was a very attractive cool girl who wasn't very good at meeting guys. Here's what one of them said in their e-mail:
"I'll take her to any restaurant she likes, so that even if she doesn't like me she'll still get a good meal out of it."
WHAT?
Does that sound TOTALLY NUTS to anyone else?
Even if it isn't always articulated so overtly, that's what every guy is communicating when he pays for a girl.
It's a bribe to get your chance at attracting her.
I think very highly of myself. If I'm out with a girl, I think highly of her too. We're on the same level - we don't need to bribe each other for our time.
The chance to get to know another awesome person is more than enough reward, and is certainly more valuable than a $12.95 steak fajita from Klimpy's.
But your question wasn't "do you have any longwinded on rants on paying for girls?" You want to know what to actually do when that check comes.
First, sit for a second. Don't rush to get the bill. When you're with your guy friends do you race and pick up the bill, or do you continue the conversation and pay when you're ready to go?
Half the time she'll grab it and pay it.
You should be knocking these dates out of the park so that 99% of her attention is occupied with how awesome you are, and the last 1% is thinking about the bill.
If you did a bad job, 100% of the focus is on the bill.
"I'd better at least get a butter chicken out of this, because D is really lame."
If she pays, let her. Don't play that stupid "no, please! It's on me!" game. If she offers to pay, just say "Cool. I'll get the next one."
Of course, thank her for the meal as you leave the restaurant. That's just good manners.
Pay next time, and alternate every time you go out. That's an ideal situation.
If she doesn't offer to pay, pick up the bill, put your portion on the leather folder thing and hand it to her. Don't make a big deal out of it, just act as if she was one of your friends.
I have NEVER had a girl who didn't just pay the bill without saying a word. I have lots of girl friends who say things like "What? If a guy didn't pay for me I would never see him again."
Yeah, that's for average guys who have nothing to offer but an occasional deep fried awesome blossom. When you're an ATTRACTIVE guy, girls will not follow any stupid rules like that.
When you have a girlfriend you can loosen up the rules a BIT, but not by much. I haven't paid for a girlfriend in many years. When Katya wanted money I gave her a job at my business and she worked 30-40 hours a week.
I did pay for her plane ticket to visit my family in Boston, though.
If you make a LOT more money than the girl, then you can pay sometimes. For example, if I have a girlfriend who's a student and we're going on a trip together, I might pay for the hotel by myself. I'd have to pay for it anyway, so it's no big deal. She can pay for her plane ticket and food and stuff.
Maybe I'll pay for more expensive dinners and let her pay for lunches. It's not about accounting for every last penny, but rather a mutual respect of each other and each other's resources.
One LAST thought on this. Your buddy's idea is terrible. He's not confident enough to stand up for what he believes, and he ends up punishing the girl even though she didn't really do anything wrong. If she does ask about it, tell her how you feel! Any opportunity to express yourself is an opportunity to attract her.
There was one girl who called me and said "Hey, I haven't seen you in forever. Will you buy me dinner?"
I laughed and basically told her everything I've written here so far.
"Well, that seems weird to me. Come have dinner with me and I'll pay."
This was a bit long, but I hope it helps!
If you want to do something productive with that newfound money, consider buying my pickup course, Make Her Chase You. It's an ebook, a one hour hidden mic recording of me picking up girls, a wingman guide, and a 30 day bootcamp with a new lesson and mission e-mailed to you every single day.
The price is $47, but it's going up to $69 or $99 within a week because the price is too low and I'm about to release an updated version of the ebook with 50% more material. Of course, if you buy now for $47, you get the updated version for free.
To get your copy, check out www.makeherchaseyou.com
Have fun,
TYNAN
Suggested free e-books to read:
C Kellogg - How To Seduce A Woman 3 FearsLinda Martz - How To Give A Foot Massage
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