Fairly early in the year - probably around October - I met a dude named Brad. We connected in a study group, and we got along pretty well and learned that we lived in the same dorm. We were quickly joining each others' groups in the cafeteria, and as soon as we discovered that we were going to the gym at the same times, we were like new best buds. But for whatever reason, it took a few weeks before we ended up going to a party together.
Now keep in mind that I'd never socialized with Brad in a competitive social environment before. So we walk into this party, and I'm thinking that he and I are going to spend some time kicking it, grab a few beers, then we'll go chat up some girls. But no sooner do we enter than he's off and flirting with a girl he knows and he was going around trying to attract women. All of a sudden I'm by myself. Yeah, I was a little hurt, but I made the most of the evening.
I'd occasionally go find Brad... you know the ol' walk up, like "Hey bro, just checkin' in, making sure things are cool with you." He was polite but dismissive, and the third time I did it - I wanted to see if he wanted to bounce to another party - he more or less ignored me. He was really deep into a conversation with this girl, and couldn't be bothered, he was trying to get women.
Of course, he pulled that night; that was no surprise. The big surprise came the next day when he asked me where I went and why I didn't say goodbye to him! What? I told him what happened, and he told me what happened, and we realized that it was no one's fault - we just had different ways of socializing at parties. He told me that when he's locked onto trying to get women, he's like a hawk looking down at a rabbit. Nothing could distract him, nothing could deter him - and if he averted his gaze for just a moment, he'd risk losing sight of his target.
Needless to say, Brad had some decent game and could attract women. He wasn't a superstar, but he did ok. And his in-the-moment tenacity was one of his greatest assets. He sure as hell led with his desires, or, more appropriately, his desires led him. All great seducers are helpless to a woman's charms, and they allow their instincts to take over and run the show when they try to get women.
That instinct is something that comes with time. It's something that any guy (aka YOU) who eventually "gets it" is going to discover. One night, you'll be out talking to some girl, really into it, and then your buddy is gonna come up and try to get your attention, or butt into the conversation, or SOMETHING that ruins the vibe you've got going on with this wonderful girl. And at that moment, you want nothing more than for him to piss off. Trust me on this one.
There's a time and a place for putting your own interests ahead of those of others, and when it comes to women, it's ok to be a little selfish when you are trying to get women. Are you paying close attention, Mr. Nice Guy?
That's right... if you've been "nice" your whole life... if you're thoughtful, respectful, demurring, and maybe even a little neurotic about making sure that everyone else is taken care of before you are, you're going to have to make a few adjustments. Not too many. Those are all admirable personality traits, and for your to dispense with them entirely would be to deprive the earth of a good soul.
But there's going to be a day when you have to take what's yours. It's not going to be given to you, and it's not going to come easily. If you care too much about what others think, if you're too concerned about being nice or letting someone else get ahead at your expense, or not speaking your mind, then the next selfish person who comes along in your life - man or woman - will eat some mighty fine food you prepared, at a trough of your own making.
It goes beyond mere selfishness though. When it comes to trying to get women, you have to be able to forge ahead - damn the torpedoes - and assume that she wants to come along for the ride. Strong women want men who are assertive.
I had a friend named Tim who would always ask his dates if they were having a good time, if there was something else they'd rather be doing. When women would sense his self-doubt, they'd ask themselves the question: "is there something I don't know about this guy? Is he a loser? He must be if he's doubting himself on a date with me." And all of a sudden, there was something else she'd rather have been doing - she'd have rather been on a date with a guy who was confident in himself and who would assume that she's having fun too.
Later on in this book, I'll be teaching you some "temperature checks" to see how personally and sexually responsive your girl might be. But you're never going to even get to the point where she's sexually responsive if you're too worried about being too nice, not offending her, or disagreeing with her when you are trying to get women. While you never want to get into a logical, argumentative sort of "you're wrong, I'm right" conversation with a woman you're just getting to know, you've got to allow yourself to be yourself, and go after and do what you want to get women.
And this includes the women you don't want to "interrupt." I've done my fair share of approaching women on the streets of New York - even those with an iPod bud hanging out of one ear and a cell phone at the other - and while they may be annoyed at that moment, every single woman is waiting for Mr. Right to come her way.
That may not be top-of-mind when you try to hijack her attention to ask where the nearest H&M is. After all, she's just been approached by another guy who was clumsily after her number, a kid who was trying to sell her candy to fund his baseball team, and homeless old lady who kept swearing. And the sad part? She doesn't even realize, when she's home alone at night, that the guy who passed her on the sidewalk - that all-too-nice guy who didn't want to say hello because he didn't want to interrupt her - was the man of her dreams.
Is that guy you? Well son, get over it - a reserve of good karma may lead to spiritual nirvana when you leave this earth, but it does little for your sex life in the meantime. Be willing to break some rules - let the inner bad boy out every now and then.
Social Momentum & Swagger Some people call it flow, others call it "being in state," others call it mojo however you like to think about it, it's an important part of your communications when you are trying to get women. We have a term around here called "Social Momentum." You'll know it when you feel it o Vocal tonality and the nonverbals of swagger o The looseness - the balls swinging between your legs o Meekness vs. boldness o Repping your stuff vs. being meek and apologetic
Find out more about how to pick up women today.
Suggested free e-books to read:Dan Bacon - Becoming A Man Who Naturally Attracts Women
Joseph Matthews - Meeting Dating And Seducing Women
Jon Jensen - Women Tell You How To Meet Women
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