Have you noticed that the set-up of these online dating sites gives you the impression that you don’t have to work that hard? After all, if your preferred online dating site is so dedicated to your search for an e-lationship, what do you need to do besides sit back, stretch your legs, cross your arms, and wait to click on the perfect match sent by your site?
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Just like regular real-world relationships, online relationships need tending, to grow over time. Here are some quick growing tips.
- Respect each others privacy. Don’t share personal email addresses or digital photos online, for example, if your online date sent you the information in confidence.
- Take time and make time. Does your online date get in touch with you regularly? Do you do the same? Neglecting virtual meetings can be considered abuse or neglect, so treat each other’s time with respect. If it’s lacking, might mean time to move on.
- Share special online and offline fun times. Online – send greeting cards, links to favorite places to upload digital photos of your favorite pet, download music and video clips, post on favorite forums of interest. Offline- if you’re exchanging addresses or post office boxes, send print greeting cards and postcards, small items from your area (like a key chain with your state bird).
- Communication needs to “feel” right for both of you. If one of you is too pushy about meeting, for instance, that can give off bad vibes. So don’t rush. Take time to learn more about each other and develop trust.
If you’re a member of OkCupid, you’ll notice its cupid-esque feature, Quiver, sending its generated matches your way. Similar to Match.com’s Daily 5, you may notice an uncanny lack of correlation between your actual romantic interests and the arrows Quiver shoots in your direction. As I said to a good friend the other day after scoping out my Quiver possibilities, “What the gosh darn heck?” (I’m not very profane.)
If you’re a member of Match.com, these matches are sent to you via your Daily 5. These are five prospects for which you can’t see a complete profile, but just pictures and some general information. If you click “I’m interested,” you’ll show up as an interested person on that person’s profile. Conversely, if somebody clicks “I’m interested” when your abridged profile shows up in his or her Daily 5, you’ll receive a notification that the person is interested. Match.com professes to have a “unique algorithm” that helps them identify a Daily 5 that piques your interest, but as a good friend of mine who recently joined Match.com said to me the other day, “What the $#%&?” Match.com’s algorithms might be saying, “Yes, yes yes!” but your internal reaction to its chosen match prospects may be, “No, no no!” (Another reason why computer-generated chemistry isn’t always a sound idea.)
So while sitting back, crossing your arms, stretching your legs, and waiting for the computer to decide your romantic future may sound enticing, you may find that you make headway by taking a more active role in the searching process. You know what you want, so set explicit criteria (you can even refine your search by religious beliefs, political philosophy, or body type, amongst other criteria).
So today’s tip is to take control, create a search, and email the results who really catch your eye. Don’t settle for computer-generated chemistry if it’s not producing the results you’d like. Tend your online relationship. Water it with care and over time it can sprout and grow.
Brian Caniglia - Online Dating Secrets
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