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Confidence You Have It Or You Dont

Confidence You Have It Or You Dont Image
For some people, it is really tough standing up in front of a crowd to introduce yourself. I know the feeling myself. The butterflies flying wildly, like a stirred up hornet nest.

Worse of all is when you REALLY have to say something and then, all that comes out is stuttering and a, for you, embarrassing mumble, incoherent and rambling.

Know the feeling?

Tough, especially, when you are a small business owner, who wants to grow the business. The one I met this morning didn't say anything, didn't have to get up. But I, and others, could see the working inside of him.

What holds you back? I don't know, but I can relate to the situation.

I had it once, in a conference, a long time back in Singapore. I started to speak, and, while I was somewhat prepared, I realised, after about 3 slides, heck, this is going wrong - the moment the thought was in my mind, I froze. I looked at the audience. A second went by, and then a second. I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and said - "this is going wrong, you are totally not with me, and I am losing myself. Let me go back and start again."

I did, and I performed magically. Well, at least not that bad.

Wow, it was something that I still think about, but I learnt the lessons and realised that, what I need to have is VERY good knowledge about the topic that I am talking about. Next, I need to have the confidence to present what I prepared. And then, a great attitude of what I can do.

At that time, I didn't know NLP or didn't relate to anything mind-related. Nowadays, I do know that I do have a space on my own, and I carry my circle of excellence with me.

But that is me and how I manage myself, now.

Back to this morning. I simply wonder if the guy realises that as a business man, probably successful, he has already developed something that is applicable to the rest of his life. This man build up a business, which is not easy, I tell you. He must have had the confidence to start it up and follow through. He must have believed in himself that he can manage that.

There is an easy application in NLP, called contrastive analysis, to find out, what got him started in his business life and the respective drivers or triggers, vis-a-vis what is holding him back. In a further step, the triggers that got him started will then be "transplanted" to overlap and eliminate those that hold him back - a change should start to happen then already. Okay, this is NLP 1-1 and there might be more in the person that needs to be cleared up, and there are plenty of other possibilities and ways to get him over that state, but it is a start.

But I believe that there are many out there who lack confidence and are plagued by anxiety. Not nice, is it?

(NLP in Asia)

leadership

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neuro linguistic programming

business coaching

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personal coaching

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Suggested free e-books to read:

Leil Lowndes - Conversation Confidence Workbook
Derek Vitalio - Seduction Science Volume I
Steve Scott - Supreme Confidence With Women


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Freeze Outs

Freeze Outs Image
Freeze-outs are one of the most powerful, but hardest to apply, weapons in your PUA arsenal. There are times when applying them is going to require balls of steel. Nevertheless, they are a very important - sometimes necessary - tool, and if you don't learn how to judiciously apply them, your results will not be as good as they could be.

There are two primary types of freeze-out. There is a freeze-out when a girl is not being sufficiently responsive to your attempts to set up a day two, and there is a freeze-out used to bust last-minute resistance. We will address both of these separately.

Freeze Outs are finicky to learn and master, but thanks to Date to Win they are made easy. Check it out here.

When a girl is not being responsive to your attempts to set up a D2, you must take a big step back. You need to not call her, text her, email her, "like" her status on facebook, or anything along those lines. The best thing you can do is to just go ahead and live your life. (This is a good reason to have more than one girl at a time that you're gaming - this way you can find easy ways to be busy, and not call the non-responsive target).

It is very important that, if she ever gets in touch with you, or if you run into each other, or if you call her again a few weeks later and actually talk to her, that you do not make her feel bad for not getting back to you. If you guilt-trip her in any way, you will undercut the power of your freeze-out. Instead, your frame must always be that you barely noticed that she hadn't gotten back to you.

If she apologizes unprompted, that's a good sign, but brush it off like you didn't even notice.

LMR-busting freeze-outs are harder. Every fiber of your being will tell you not to use this technique - until you experience it's power. It's really simple. At some points during kino escalation - often when you go to take off her underwear, but at other times, too - she'll make you stop. This is "LAST-MINUTE RESISTANCE" - a very common problem based on a fear women have before having sex with someone for the first time.

For most of our history, sex meant pregnancy, and pregnancy carried a non-trivial risk of death (about 1 in 1000 as recently as a hundred years ago). Even if she survived pregnancy, she would be basically helpless for over a year, requiring you to provide for her. In those circumstances, women naturally experience a fear that is similar to, but many times stronger than, what we feel before approaching a woman. Evolution hasn't caught up to birth control and modern medicine yet.

If you're practicing good kino escalation - two steps forward and one step back - usually you can advance again in a few minutes, and get around LMR that way. However, sometimes, she'll make it clear that she's not having it.

This is where you really need balls of steel. What you simply do is stop making out with her. Maybe you check your email. Or pick up a book and start browsing. However, it's very important that you do not seem bitter, angry, or disappointed. If she questions you about your behavior, you must be very clear with your response. The slightest bit of petulance will be a major DLV.

Instead, you are unaffected, but you simply tell her that your arousal circuitry really only works in the on- or off- position. You just don't enjoy the feeling of going halfway, so you'd rather stop things. Maybe give her a light peck on the cheek to show you aren't upset with her. Then you lean back and let her come to you. If you manage it right, she usually will.

It's very hard to walk away from a girl mid-makeout, but that's where the power of this technique comes from. You can bet most other guys haven't done this with her.

Try it next time you face some last-minute resistance - and watch the results.

For more of a professional take on freeze outs, I am happy to point you to David Wygant. Go there now.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Bobby Bodenhamer - Excuse Blow Out
Joseph Matthews - Renegade Rapport
C Kellogg - Reduce Your Stress


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