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But most importantly, chatting online with somebody you’ve never met is simply no substitute for a genuine connection. No matter how enjoyable the online chat. I’ve had some fantastic online chats with my aunt, my cousin, and my best female friend—but I don’t want to date them. (My best female friend is on the market, though, so comment here for a chance to win a date with her—or at least an online chat.)
Here’s a little secret that those of the female persuasion keep from us guys: Women, even very beautiful women, like to be approached by a confident and interesting man. Are you surprised? It’s true...and confident and interesting are much more important than looks to ladies of all ages, too. That’s true for internet dating, as well as, dating in your brick and mortar world but we’re talking about internet dating here...so back to the subject at hand.
Once you have joined an online dating service, you will find that there a lot more men than women and that the men are much more likely to browse profiles and make initial contacts than women. Yes, it’s a woman’s world...still. It’s “traditional” for men to make the first move. It always has been and it always will be. Some things never change. That’s why your profile and picture are so important.
Remember...confident and interesting....and that does not translate to cocky and self-centered. It’s important that your profile lets people know that you have friends you care about and that you are passionately interested in a variety of things...not JUST sports. Another thing about that all-important profile....please don’t start it with, “I’m the guy your mama warned you about”.
You will have just shot yourself in the foot with that line. Another one to never use is, “I could be the man of your dreams”. The lady HOPES you are but she will be the judge of that...so don’t insult her intelligence. Remember....exude confidence and interesting and you will find that lady you have been looking for...or she will find you.
Won’t it be nice to have the ladies contacting you instead of you having to do everything? If you write a great profile that stands out in the crowd, that will happen.
During my first month of online dating, I used the instant messaging feature. I didn’t gain anything but a few pounds since the chats were cutting into my gym time, and I didn’t lose anything but time that would have been better spent at the gym. Unless online chatting is your end goal on your dating site of choice, turn off the instant messaging feature and fast forward toward a face-to-face connection!
Carlos Xuma - The Dating Black Book
Brian Caniglia - Online Dating Secrets
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It's a fun turn of the screw... as men, it's within our gender role to ask for the number, and for as long as I've been at this, I'd say that I'm the one taking the number 80% of the time. In the long run it doesn't make a difference - you still have to follow up well - but pulling it off means you're making great progress in your game and you can attract women..
So let's start by asking ourselves - what would make a woman *want* to take your number? How do you attract women?
a.) she's so enamored with your life and your world that she wants to be a part of it
b.) she feels such a strong connection to you that she couldn't imagine it not continuing
c.) she's feeling incredible chemistry with you and wants to feel it again
Any of the same could be said for "solid" numbers that you take from women. So how do you set it up such that she's the one who asks you?
One key principal - doing a LOT with a LITTLE.
The dynamic of the interaction needs to be such that she's doing most of the work. You are going to be leading it with some -bait- and some -questions- but you will do very little talking about your own life. There is something of an "ad hoc" formula to this:
1.) you start by "baiting". you casually mention something about your life that really connects with whatever she just said, in a very "high value" sort of way. It can't just be bragging - it genuinely has to demonstrate that you know what she's talking about.
2.) she asks you about the bait.
3) you screen her on it.
4.) you screen her again.
5.) you screen her a third time
6.) you keep screening until it makes sense to stop
7.) you reluctantly qualify her, and finally answer her question
8.) future project, or include her in your life in some way
Let me give you an example, from the first time I consciously saw this happening. It came about when I was talking about myself. Later on, I'll show you how to use this in your own life.
You might know that I DJ from time to time in Manhattan. I've done some private parties, and a few cool venues, but I've never been in rotation at a huge club. So while being a DJ is generally an asset when it comes to talking to girls, my particular experience isn't noteworthy. It's more of a hobby..
I also don't like to bs girls, so rather than give full answers, I'd rather be evasive and turn the conversation back on her. Here's how it played out:
I was talking with a girl about parties.
Me: "yeah, I dj'ed the last party we threw. It was a great time, tons of people, went really late..." You notice that the only thing about *me* in there is the bait - that I DJ. Everything else is just factual stuff.
Her: "Wait, you DJ?, Where do you play?" This is her taking the bait
Me: "Yeah I do. What kind of music do you like to dance to?" Notice that I intentionally avoided her second question, and rather than self-indulgently telling her everything about myself (which I couldn't do anyway in this case!), I turned it around and asked a screening question.
Her: "Oh uh... I don't know, I like everything."
Me: "Heh, everyone says that. What's your favorite song to dance to right now?"
Her: "Oh ummmm.... [song name]."
Me: "Yeah, I love that one. People always go nuts to it. Ok so you're into hip hop... have you heard [song name]?""
Her: "Yeah, I love that one too!"
Me: "Haaaa, nice. What does it take to get you to dance on a couch at a club?" At this point, I am taking the conversation from topical (song preferences) to personal (stuff about her personality). Your screens should go in this direction.
Her: "Ohh you know some good music, some fun people and a few shots!"
Me: "That's it? (tease). How often do you go out?"
Her: "Oh maybe one or two nights a week."
Me: "Cool, so enough to make your promoters happy. So what are your favorite spots?"
Her: "Ummm, well last few times I went out I was at Pink Elephant and 1Oak."
Me: "No kidding.... man I had no idea you were so cool. I'd love to have you join some of our parties" (this is the qualification - finally)
Her: "Haha thanks! So wait where do you play?"
Me: "Oh I do a lot of private parties... I've done a few other spots... I was doing Empire Hotel for a bit. Fun time, have you been?"
Her: "Yeah, I've been there! Wait, so are you a full-time DJ?"
Me: "No, it's just a hobby, I have a real job too. Wait, what do you do for work?"
Her: "I'm a... [her job]."
Do you see the trajectory here?
It's screen after screen after screen on my part. I demonstrated some value and authority in the very beginning. And my questions continued to do so.
In fact, she has to really work to get any information out of me, while volunteering a lot of her own.
But she *wants* to volunteer it because the right questions are being asked. I'm demonstrating a real interest in her, and showing no need to validate myself to her.
And critically, I'm not doing any "me too" answers. Any time I relate to her, it shows that I empathize with and understand her and her world, but because I haven't explicitly stated anything about my personal experiences and preferences, they remain something of a mystery. The -only- times I talk about myself are at the beginning and the end.
And at the end, when she asks if I'm full time, I mention that I have another job, then immediately turn it around on her.
Yet another thing I had to learn to do accidentally - you can't just come out and tell people that you run a company that is the real-life version of Hitch - it's all they want to talk about.
So right now you might be thinking, "well this is well and good, but I'm not a DJ and I don't run a company like The Social Man, so how can I do this?"
Well, here's another time it happened. This time we were talking about cheeseburgers. She had mentioned that she absolutely loves burgers.
Me: "Yeah, New York has some of the best burger joints in the world. I think I've been to them all." _(bait)_
Her: "So what's your favorite?"
Me: "Ummm, there are two that really tie for me, I can never decide. Shake Shack is one of them, have you been?" _(more bait)_
Her: "Oh my God, yes. It's so good."
Me: "So what burger you order when you go there?"
Her: "It's always the same... double cheeseburger"
Me: "Can't do anything else. Fries, shake?"
Her: "It depends... you know, I've got to watch my girlish figure."
Me: "Yeah I was gonna say _(eying her up and down),_ doesn't look like you eat burgers all the time. How often do you work out?" _(screen)_
Her: "Ha, like four or five times a week."
Me: "Nice - morning or evening?"
Her: "Usually after work. I just can't do it in the mornings."
Me: "Yeah, plus when you do it after work you can work off the burger you had for lunch and you feel so much better about yourself."
Her: "I know, wait... so you said there was another spot you like?"
Me: "Yeah, Soho Park. Have you been there?"
Her: "No... where is it?"
Me: "What? How can you call yourself a burger lover and not have eaten there?" _(screen)_
Her: "I don't know! I feel like I'm committing a sin!"
Me: "You almost are. But you definitely know your burgers. You should go down there sometime so you can absolve yourself." _(qualification)_
Her: "Well you'd have to tell me, or show me, where it is."
Me: "Well you'd have to get in touch with me for that to happen."_(smiling, of course)_.
This one isn't -quite- as linear as the last one. A new subject appeared: exercising. But notice how she brought it back to the original thread? There was some suspense and intrigue... not quite as much as with the dj'ing... but enough to bring it back. And it didn't take much for her to volunteer herself for a date.
So what, again, is the formula?
1.) Volunteer a small amount of information about yourself.
2.) Don't answer her questions directly. Screen and screen and screen.
3.) Eventually, qualify her
4.) Subtly suggest a way to bring her into your life
In the former example, I told her she'd fit in at our parties.
In the latter example, I tee'd it up, and she took the swing.
Now, how to go from this to getting her to ask for your number?
Simple - do this same "pattern" two to three times in a conversation. That is, connect on something important to her, show genuine interest and comprehension of her world with the questions you ask, and don't talk about yourself too much. You will pick up women with aplomb if you're doing this.
When she indicates that she wants to be a part of your world - which she probably will if you've been fun and have intrigued her enough - you just flirtatiously suggest that she should make it happen. You have to attract women.
Of course, when she takes your number, I suggest that you have her call you. And unless she's completely throwing herself at you, establish the protocol for who will follow up with who.
"So tell ya what - text me tomorrow and we'll set up a time to go down there."
"Ok, so if I don't hear from you by tomorrow I'm gonna call you and we'll set something up."
This whole sequence - this style of conversation - is something you should be working on anyway. I always get into trouble when I talk too much. There is some fun, flirtatious stuff you can throw in along the way, but the foundation here is solid - and that's what's going to work no matter who you're talking to.
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1. The first and foremost thing is how you present yourself. The date is the only thing where you can get the best opportunity to make a good impression. Dress up nicely and be well prepared.
2. Tips for Girls: Don't rebel your parents if they ask you to be at home at certain time. You want to negotiate, you can but after few dates. And, if your date has presented a good impression then you will be in the position to negotiate with them on the pose of trust.
3. Tips for Men's: Be gentle, and always go to the door for picking up your date. Greet with respect with her parents and familiarize them when you will leave her home.
4. Remember to converse on your first date. Whether it is related to any topic or any kind of activity, interact with each other, as it is quite better than just sitting and watching a movie and looking to each other without any conversation.
5. Physically intimate cam unavoidably lead to some or the other complications. If the relationship ends, the hurt feelings will feel much deeper that you may regret about whatever you have done.
6. Usually, girls, don't dress up for their date. But you should look attractive and comfortable too. Dressing up too much can give the wrong impression. Remember, your personality is only the most attractive quality and not your body.
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TOP 8 FIRST DATE TIPS SOME FUNDAMENTAL DATE TIPS FOR MEN
You need to be well prepared for a first date, obviously. Why? Because first impression is vital, and there is a little chance to make a great impression once you failed your first date. That's why you need to be equipped with some dating knowledge. Below you will find 8 most important FIRST DATE TIPS for men.1) Don't be greedy.
Pay the bill if you went to the restaurant or even if you just bought an ice-cream. If she wants to pay her part, let her pay, though observe her closely, maybe she just feel obligated to do so.
2) Choose the location wisely.
You must avoid the cinema, it's a really bad choice for first dates. You will not be able to talk a lot, but you need to know each other better. So cinema contradicts your goal. Taking a date for a medium priced dinner is decent idea. Walking in the park or taking your girl to some beautiful sightseeing places is even better.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU SURE NEED SOME MORE FIRST DATE TIPS, KEEP READING.
3) Good manners.
If you will be dinning together, make sure you know rules of fine dinning well enough! You don't want to look like unintelligent. So help her to sit (hold the chair), hold the doors of carhomerestaurant open before her. Oh, and don't be late.
4) Show some respect
That means you must be always polite, even if the date seems to be disappointing. And don't look at the first date as an investment for future pleasures. At the end of the date offer a small kiss, but don't expect anything else.
5) Be confident.
Confidence is very attractive to women. Be sure about your decisions on a date (if you decided to go somewhere else for example) and show no fear or discomfort. Know that you will make a good impression. If you would be a total loser I doubt that you would be on the date!
6) Grooming and style.
Dress appropriately for your first date - if you are going to take your first date to a restaurant - wear a shirt and a tie. If you are going to a sea side dinner - dress nicely, but don't overdo it. You must look clean, simple, and not too pompous. And don't forget to shave, have a shower and use some cologne.
BASIC STUFF, BUT STILL I FEEL THAT IT SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN THE FIRST DATE TIPS.
7) Be a great conversationalist.
Don't talk about yourself much, let her talk. Ask her questions and listen carefully to what she says. One of important "first date tips" is to avoid talking about your/her work on a first date, it's totally not important and certainly not interesting. Oh, and make a compliment about her dress or looks, but don't sound desperate.
Ask for the next date.
Don't wait too long before calling her again, and asking for a next date. Be honest, if you liked your first date tell her about it. Even if you didn't, you must politely tell her about this - maybe you are not the best couple and perhaps you should stop dating.
That is it. Learn these first date tips and you will have some basic knowledge for making a great first impression!
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First Date Tips
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Suggested ebooks:People have taken to online dating like a duck takes to water…because it works…or, at least, it can work. Women are, in general, terrified of meeting a man that she has been chatting with online. All they have heard about are the scary things that can happen…and, I must say, they have a right to be careful to the extreme. That’s not only wise but vital. So what’s a nice guy to do? You aren’t a pervert, a sexual predator, or a weirdo. You are just a nice guy looking for “the” girl for you.
You must be patient. Don’t press her for personal information like her real name or where she lives. Keep your conversations light and fun until she feels comfortable talking with you online. Don’t try to rush her into meeting face-to-face. She will think you are desperate or a pervert. Patience. Patience. Patience.
Be absolutely honest about your physical appearance and job. A good relationship has never been, and will never be, built on lies and deceit. Eventually she will find out the truth anyway and there you are back at square one.
THINGS TO DO
- Make your partner feel comfortable - We all feel like a bag of nerves on our first date with someone; so by making your date feel comfortable you will be able to also relax and simply enjoy yourself.
- Be an interesting date - The worse thing you can do is turn up for a date with someone then sit there all night with nothing to say or ask! Be prepared to be interesting and to have a good conversation. Show you are interesting (and a good listener) by asking - Be on time - The last thing you want to do is make a bad impression on your date. If you are late then your date will think that you don’t care or that he/she isn't important. Even worse, your date might not hang around for you to turn up.
questions that help you learn interesting things about your date. Dress great. Take great care in your hygiene. Don't reveal too much about yourself, but reveal just enough to show the other person that you are interesting and different - in a good way.
situation.
- Keep the conversation alive - That dreaded silence when no one knows what to say can seem to last for a life time and will make both of you think the other is boring. Jot down a few questions you would like to ask (but don't refer to the list during your date!). Practicing for the date can make quite a bit of difference and once you have started a great conversation, the rest will just follow. Here are a few conversation starters you may want to use.
- Take an interest in your date - Listen to your date when he/she is talking. Be interested in what your date has to say and show how interested you are by asking questions about what your date is talking about. For example, if your date says he/she likes to travel then ask him/her what the most unique place is he/she has traveled to.
- Laugh at their jokes - Even if you have heard the joke 100 times or more (or it just isn't funny at all) laughing a long with your date will make your date feel you are interested in him/her. It will at least make your date feel more comfortable with the first date ideas.
- Be confident - Confidence says a lot about a person. Being more confident will help you get through that first date with ease.
- Most importantly - STAY SAFE. Check out our pointers to dating safely.
- Take your date somewhere unique - First dates don’t just have to be about going to the cinema or to a restaurant for a nice meal. You will make a longer, lasting impression if you are imaginative with your date. Check out these creative date ideas and these
- Be yourself - You won’t fool anyone by pretending to be someone you are not.
A picture really is worth a thousand words. Post many pictures of yourself doing your everyday activities and make them full body shots, not just head shots. If you were dating a girl in the real world she wouldn’t just see your head.
Once the discussion has been opened about meeting face-to-face for the first time, suggest that you meet in a very public place, during daylight hours and that she bring a friend with her. After all, you have nothing to hide. You’ve told her the truth about yourself and she has already seen a lot of pictures of you. The only thing left is to make her feel safe meeting you.
Elena Petrova - The Golden Rules Of Online Dating
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What do you do when you see a woman you are attracted to? Do you run and hide? Do you use some canned line that you read on the Internet? Do you stand there in fear trying to think of the right thing to say? What is the right thing to do?
When approaching a woman, most guys make the mistake of thinking too much about what to say. They believe there's one magic line that will work in all situations. They rehearse this magic line, and when they deliver it, they hope the woman will become instantly attracted to them.
Unfortunately, rarely does this approach work -- because most of what you say is irrelevant. To catch a woman's attention, it is all about the confidence you display when approaching her.
Here are 10 surefire ways to intrigue her every time:
1. Observe something. Make a comment about something you observe in the environment. This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here.
Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.
2. Smile. This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction -- a requirement for building rapport.
3. Do not hesitate. If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling confident -- an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.
4. Positive body language. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk.
5. Not too fast. If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you.
6. Keep eye contact. Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this.
7. Listen up. Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Do not have your response pre-thought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.
8. Do not fidget. Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of movements, that communicate comfort and confidence.
9. Lighten your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like "I hope you saved some turkey for me," followed by a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends -- notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations.
10. Lean away from her. A man who leans in too far when he talks often makes a woman feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself.
The key to making these tips work for you is putting them into practice! Practice these tips and see the reaction you get. When you put them all together, you will be surprised at their power.
Check out more about David Wygant at his website.
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Just picture this
You get your courage up and approach that 10 in the club. You figure, what's the worst that can happen?You talk and banter, then a guy comes and stands next to her.
You say, "Who is this guy?"
She says, "He's my boyfriend."
"You've got the most beautiful girl in the place, and you can't blame a guy for trying."
The boyfriend says, "You tried. Now get out of here."
Wow. Ok, so he's protective, I would be as well. You head out and chat to some other women. You wake up the next morning.
You google your name plus "rejected".
YOU GET 44,300 RESULTS.
That's what happened to Collin Farrell this week. So next time you think you've got approach anxiety, just remember that no rejection you face will be as bad as his was. Of course, where there's risk, there's reward. There's no doubt that Collin Farrell cleans up like only 0.000005% of the world's male population can.
P.S. WHO THINKS THAT SHE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN DOWN WITH COLIN HAD THE BOYFRIEND NOT SHOWN UP?
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"I CAN get my ex back."
Like most things in life, if you really believe you can do something then you probably will.
It's nothing to do with wishful thinking or any Zen-like qualities, it's simply a matter of human nature. If you truly believe you can do something then you won't give up easily.
You'll try harder, find new way or methods, seek help. Whatever it takes to reach your goal.
That belief applies to almost everything in life. And guess what? Getting your ex back is no different.
If you believe you can get your ex back, then you'll probably succeed.
That's because you'll go to the trouble of finding out how to do it. You won't simply give up just because it seems too difficult or because you don't know where to start. We'll get to that in a minute...
As you're reading this post then you've been searching for ideas or new ways to rekindle all the love and attraction that used to be present in your relationship with your ex.
That last bit is a giveaway.
You managed to attract your ex once, so you should be able to do it again.
And this time it should be easier. You have so much more knowledge about your ex that you didn't have the first time around.
That's some advantage to have if you think about it.
You not only know what they like, you know what they don't like. You know their passions, desires, fears. And, you know their friends, the people they like to hang with.
Getting your ex back is not about trying to convince, or force, them into it. It's about encouraging them to reach that conclusion all by themselves.
If they decide, on their own, to give your relationship together another chance, then it'll stand a much better chance of lasting.
This is what you want, isn't it?
You should be concentrating on:...
Read the rest here - I Can Get My Ex Back.
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Suggested free e-books to read: Have you ever been played hard by a girl...? Today, let's take a journey into the mind of a hot but deeply insecure girl to see what's going on and how she games the men in her life. If you want to pick up women, well... you might want to stay away from this one, or at least go in with eyes wide open.
The hot girl in question is a composite of three girls I've known, and we'll call her Sarah. _Every_ girl has a little bit of Sarah in them - this composite we're drawing is simply the most extreme iteration of it. Here's the backstory, taken from my experiences with the three girls.
Sarah is a smart girl - far more intelligent than she initially appears. She plays the role of ditzy little girl with aplomb, and half of my friends still refuse to believe that her IQ could possibly break the triple digit barrier. But when it comes to men, she knows exactly what she's doing. I've seen her destroy several guys (myself included), and I watch her keeping a steady flow of prospects in the pipeline. The guys she dates are good looking, successful, and usually, they fall hard.
I believe that deep down Sarah is also a good girl who wants to find a deeper happiness than her life today gives her, but as it stands, I'd hate for one of my friends to get caught up with a girl like her. And should you ever find yourself in a situation with a Sarah of your own its only fair that you understand exactly what's going on. Personally, I've dated two girls like her before, and was in a wickedly hurtful relationship with one of them. Let's see if we can get into Sarah's head.
The first thing you have to know about her existence is that it is fairly shallow. Moment to moment, she seeks constant emotional and physical stimulation in the form of drugs, sex, cigarettes, text flirting with guys, etc. And unlike most of us, she's able to get away with this because, well, she's a hot girl in New York City or Los Angeles or Las Vegas who knows how to play the game.
Sarah also likes to party. She's out two to four nights a week, sometimes hitting multiple clubs at once, and she's always at the best and hottest new club. Promoters love her because she rarely brings guys along, and has a great personality; fun, ditzy, playful, giggly - everything you want in a girl when you're out at a club.
But when she meets a guy in whom she's interested, her demeanor changes instantly. First, her voice softens up to something akin to a baby's cooing and her eyes become doe-like. The innocence comes across as capitulation, and flips a big switch in a man - his desire to take care of a woman.
But she also knows how to turn on the sexy... with a narrowing of the eyes, a crossing of the legs, a little bite of the lip - and she's attractive enough that few men are going to turn her down. I've watched her do it to four randoms in clubs, as well as a friend of mine just to prove to me that she could.
This 1-2-3 combo results in paralyzing crushes. Fun wild social girl to fawning little bunny to sexual mistress.
She goes after professionals whenever possible. It is important for her ego that the men she's dating have certain qualifications.
And as she starts dating a man, she's full of push-pull. One morning she's in his kitchen, wearing his oxford shirt and cooking breakfast for him. She tells him she'll see him later that night, then flakes out and heads to the club with me where we'll dance the night away.
The guy starts texting her... "Baby, where are you?" The next morning, she meekly apologizes, shows up for sex, and pulls the guy deeper into thinking that if he tries just a *little* bit harder, she'll change for him.
And this is the genius - mad or otherwise - in how she handles a man. She is incredibly compliant and giving when she's with him, to the point he thinks he "has her". She is very emotional and "falls in love" quickly; temporary as it may be, the guy starts to believe it too. Her emotions are like a hurricane: as soon as they comes, they can also be gone.
And a guy wants to believe that he's going to be the one who tames her, that she'll be his domestic Debbie. Then, once she's felt that the guy has invested enough into her _(and critically, ONLY then)_ she'll disappear.
And here's the funny part - it works best on the guys with huge egos. The most successful, the best-looking, the ones who pick up women with ease, and the ones who eat women for breakfast. She's sexy enough that she can make them work hard to get her - fancy meals, tables and bottles, whatever she wants, really - and once they've invested enough and then "won", it becomes part of their ego that they're dating the girl who everyone else wants but who no one can have. The moment she pulls away, that massive ego begins to lurch. I've watch guys cancel travel plans, leave work early, and go into debt trying to pull this girl back into their world.
Does this lead to good relationships? Absolutely not. It results in fights, guys showing up at her house (and mine) yelling in the street for her, and lots of bad feelings. But it works for her for two reasons.
First, all the drama is essentially emotional stimulation. Whether she's feeling really good and excited about a guy, or whether he's blowing up her berry with pleas and grievances, it is making her life interesting.
Secondly, while she is an intelligent girl, she has some *very* deep issues. Insecurities she's not comfortable sharing with a guy with whom she's romantically involved. She knows (instinctively) that if she truly opens herself up in that way, she's putting herself in a position to be hurt. And she's so insecure about who she really is that she's just not going to let a guy who's having sex with her have that kind of power over her.
What's the lesson here for us guys?
Well, most importantly, do your homework and follow your instincts. A key concept in attraction is investment: the more you invest in something, the more of an emotional attachment you develop for it. And falling in love with Sarah is kind of like buying stock in a promising but volatile tech company - if it is a hot thing that is poised to take off and generate massive returns, you might get emotionally invested, and fail to get out when you should. Every now the company puts out a press release with incredibly good news, but since you've never met the management team, you don't know if its accurate. And believe me, if a man is dealing with Sarah on a superficial or ego basis, he definitely hasn't met management.
Perhaps you stated dating a girl and had people who knew her tell you to "watch out for her," but you've defended her and said "no, I know her in a way that other people don't," or something else like that. Well, management is hidden away in the board room and letting the PR and customer service people do the talking, and you bought into the lines they're feeding you.
What else? Don't let your ego get caught up in determining whether she'd be a good girl for you. It is not your job to be her Dad, brother or burly protector. Sarah has great people in her life who are looking out for her, and just because you're dating her her doesn't mean its your responsibility to save her. Yes, if she sees your interest waning, she'll work hard to get it back. But if you're getting any signs that your girl is half-heartedly committed, that her insecurities and/or abilities with men are driving her to seek constant stimulation, then you just have to keep your eyes open. One day, when she's had enough partying, she'll find a solid man and latch on tight, and there will be no doubt in his mind (or hers) that she's in it to win it. But until then, if there's smoke, there's probably fire.
The things that drive Sarah are present in everyone's head. When you're looking for a girlfriend, or just want to pick up women, its important to be able to see a woman for who she really is. I've been in relationships with girls who I thought were loving, honest people. Something went wrong, then all of a sudden I'm seeing parts of Sarah come out. The girl is pushing me, pulling me, and I'm telling myself "wait, this isn't who she is! She's the girl I was dating a few months ago... I just need to bring that back out of her." Problem is, because her perception of me and the role that I play in her life changed, the person who she is when she's dating me changed too.
Lessons learned. And hey - if you know yourself and who you are, you know what you'll accept, what you won't, and you'll be able to give yourself fully and in love when the right girl comes along.
Jamie Mcintyre - What I Did Not Learn At School But Wish I Had
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Famed Millionaire Matchmaker PATTI STANGER from the Bravo show is finally engaged to her boyfriend, real-estate executive ANDY FRIEDMAN.
PATTI STANGER always said that "if he doesn't ask for your hand in marriage by the firs year, the ring goes up by one carat for each year after that." PATTI STANGER received a sweet 4-carat ring, and they had been dating for 5 and a half years, so I'm guessing she's pretty happy about it.
"I feel like it should have happened years ago, so I'm kind of shocked," PATTI STANGER "Us "She and her beau were in Maui, Hawaii, celebrating her birthday, when a black swan swam in wither 4-carat diamond ring.
PATTI STANGER has made it clear that she wants to have a low-key affair. She even suggested that she and her fianc'e run off to Las Vegas and get it done. But he wants a big, elaborate shindig. And deep down, I'm pretty sure that that's what Patti really wants too.
The surprise engagement happened in Maui, Hawaii on her birthday. The 4-carat diamond ring was brought to her by a black swan.
My theory is this: PATTI STANGER will use this wedding to promote herself on her reality series by bringing her millionaire clients and hundreds of gorgeous women to her reception. And yes, she will pull a Star Jones and get everything for free just for mentioning it on her show. Genius.
The wedding is expected to happen in 2010.
Suggested free e-books to read:
Tariq Nasheed - Play Or Be PlayedEarl Nightingale - The Strangest Secret
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Suggested free e-books to read: After her breakup with BRAD PITT-look-alike PAUL SCULFOR, CAMERON DIAZ had an easy time finding another boyfriend in none other than the absolutely "Sex and the "hunk JASON LEWIS.
37-year-old CAMERON DIAZ and 38-year-old JASON LEWIS were spotted having a very intimate dinner at a sushi restaurant in Venice Beach on August 17, 2009.
You might be thinking"'t a man and woman have a nice dinner without the world thinking they're dating? Sure, they can, but onlookers claim that CAMERON DIAZ and JASON LEWIS weren't being discreet with their affections.
Seems the couple have been friends for a while now and perhaps only recently discovered how incredibly sexy the other was.
Either way, CAMERON DIAZ and JASON LEWIS look really great together and they're both very athletic, so it all works out for the best.
Love Systems - Daytime Dating Never Sleep Alone
Robert Henderson - Secrets Of Dating Asian Women
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She said it with such disdain. It put me on the spot and I didn't have a good comeback. I said, "No hablo ingles," a terribly weak response. I simply wasn't prepared.
Even after the fact, there wasn't an obvious correct move. If I say yes then I show my cards right away, but if I say no then I set myself up for something like, "So why are you looking at her? Why are you talking to her? It's obvious you like her."
This cockblock was so effective that I had a dream about it. After some thinking I adapted it for use on other guys. If a guy is moving in on a girl you are interested in, ask him, "Do you like her?" Your tone will be neutral, like you are just curious.
If he says yes then you can put him in a weak position by saying, "Well you should buy her a drink then!" If he buys her a drink then he's just another beta in the bar and if he doesn't buy her a drink then it looks awkward because he just verbally admitted his affection for her.
If he says he doesn't like her or weasels out of answering, then say, "Well there are a lot of girls here. I'm sure you will find someone who you like if you keep trying. Don't give up!" He's done. It's like you are giving him relationship advice.
He is going to scramble and say something like, "Oh, um, I'm not here to pick up girls." Now he just put his dick in a box. Without even raising your voice or having to get tough, you can suck the game out of any guy with very simple word plays. This technique worked on me even though I spend the bulk of my time thinking about these things.
It's okay to get bitched in the field. But it's not okay to get bitched in the same way twice. A great thing about experience is that you put yourself in a lot of situations that you will see more than once. Your down time is spent thinking about how to react for the next time it happens, because chances are it will.
That's all it means to have "tight" game--to be ready for whatever is thrown at you. It's about refining and improving what you do even if a line or technique "works."
So I thought about what to say the next time a fat girl asks me if I like her friend. I'll say, "Why do you ask, do you want me to like her? Because I like everyone!" Then I'll put my arms around both girls and say how I'm having a great time. All this is done with a huge smile on my face. I want to squash her negativity with a fun party vibe that makes her look really bad if she continues cockblocking. I think this is much better than saying "I don't speak English" in Spanish. And if this doesn't work, I'll just think of something else.
It's through this experimentation mindset that I went from being a chump who didn't get laid to the guy that pissed off other guys in the clubs. I'm sure they thought.. "How is THAT guy talking to her?" (If you've seen my picture you'll see I look more like a mountain man than stereotypical hot stud). Before then I couldn't get laid to save my life, but I was dedicated and put myself out in the field, experimenting on everything from approaching girls and talking to them to when to call and what types of places to take out on dates.
I recorded my final results, the techniques THAT WORK, in my book Bang. It took a long time to write but I'm happy to have created a reference guide that other guys can count on.
If you find yourself in a place where the girls you want are passing on you, then I think the skills I teach will help you out. For more information about my "More Lays In 60 Days" resource, click here.
Suggested free e-books to read:
Dean Phillips - How To Seduce A Woman The Right Way ReportReal Social Dynamics - How To Get Her Chasing You
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Romancing men is not difficult; unfortunately, most women think that they don't have to do any romancing. Rather, they expect us to do all the work while they reap all the benefits.
Well I'm here to tell you that not only is romancing men a fantastic way to keep your relationship going strong, it's also great for letting him know that you appreciate him. Plus, romancing men may, in turn, garner you some top of the line romance down the line.
So, are you eager to romance your guy, but just aren't sure how to go about it? Well, that's what I'm here for ladies, so sit back, relax and let me feed your wonderful brain with ideas.
ROMANCING MEN IDEA #1 PAMPER HIM WITH THE SMALL STUFF
It doesn't take a new car for a guy to know that you love him. Just pay attention to what he says he enjoys and get it for him. For example, some time when you're watching TV, he might say, "Oh, I remember those cookies from when I was a kid, I love them."
Well, the next time you head out to the grocery, look for those particular cookies and buy them for him. He will think the world of your gesture and will pay you in kind.
ROMANCING MEN IDEA #2 KEEP YOUR CLEANSING RITUALS SECRET
Although this isn't actually something you would be doing, it is something you should avoid doing at all costs. Something changes in a man when he sees you using pimple cream or bleaching your mustache. If you want to ensure that he thinks of you as sexy, you will want to avoid performing these womanly rituals in front of him.
Even if you live together, there are things that should be relegated to the bathroom and should not be seen by your man at any point. And yes, even if he farts and scratches his testicles in front of you, you still shouldn't submit him to your bad habits.
ROMANCING MEN IDEA #3 SURPRISE HIM
If he typically arrives home from work and the two of you have dinner together while discussing your days, spice things up one day and shock him by greeting him at the door with a sexy outfit on and loud, seductive music playing in the background.
The newness of the situation will arouse him (not to mention, your outfit), and he will keep this romantic moment in his mind for years to come. The point is that you want to excite him every now and then and remind him how much you adore him.
Suggested free e-books to read:
Michael Webb - The Romantic GuideShawn Nelson - The Untrained Men Guide
Michael Webb - 101 Romantic Ideas
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A little aside before I get started. Today I was hanging out with a couple here in Panama. We were talking about traveling, learning languages, eating food, and all that sort of stuff, when all of a sudden the guy in the couple brought up the game.
They had some friends that were into it.
"I'm into that stuff too," I said.
They mentioned the book and I told them I'm one of the characters. The girl's eyes lit up.
"TELL ME ABOUT IT!"
I looked at her and I realized it was a VERY familiar look.
Why?
Because that's the look girls ALWAYS give me when they hear that I know about game. And this isn't just because I'm a "Q-List Celebrity" from The Game. I used to just be a dude trying to learn about girls and it got the same reaction.
Girls LOVE this stuff. What do girls care about more than anything? Being social. If you KNOW stuff about that, they LOVE hearing about it.
So, look I used to be SUPER embarrassed about pickup. I bought a crappy paperback "manual" about it and I literally hid it in my safe. My best friend and I both randomly showed up at a lair meeting once in Austin, having no idea that the other was into pickup.
We were both too embarrassed to tell the other one about it.
Anyway, my point is this - learning about pickup is AWESOME. Girls respect it IF you respect it. If you're embarrassed about it, they will think you're lame. Try telling ONE girl this week that you're learning pickup. My guess is that she'll be intrigued and probably try to help you.
Ok, moving on to today's letter.
> Hey Tynan, how're you doing in Panama?
>
> Here's a little bit of background on me;
>
> My childhood when it came to Relationships, was pretty much zero, just few friends and never talk to girls. High School was more of the same, I was very introverted, shy, and just a weirdo (I was so weird that I didn't roll around with geeks, I used to be alone).
>
> My issue: My voice. Its not a problem of vocal projection, but rather a problem of subcomunication, while I talk, what I convey is: Im a nice guy, Im needy, My voice sucks and so do I.I want to change that, I want to convey DOMINANCE, and POSITIVITY, have a charismatic voiceWhen I hear my voice recorded In a tape I do NOT hear the voice of a MAN who has it all together and is good with woman, what I hear is the opposite.
>
> Thanks man
>D
Hey D,
It's going great. I was actually just talking about this subject the other day with my friend who's traveling the world with me. We've been making videos about our travels and he thinks he sounds funny on them. In fact, if you watch our latest video at www.lifenomadic.com you'll hear him making fun of himself at the end of the tape.
Here's the thing: NO ONE likes the sound of their voice on tape - AT FIRST. When we hear our voice in our head while we're talking, it vibrates through our bones and makes it sound lower.
So every single guy on this planet's voice sounds less "manly" when recorded than it does when they talk.
I used to hate my voice too, but then I started rapping. At first I would actually blush when I listened to my own songs because I thought my voice was so terrible. Yeah, I would blush even if NO ONE ELSE was around. So I know what you're talking about.
Then I just listened to my voice a lot and finally got over it. Now I think I have a fantastic voice - which may or may not be true. I'm going to send you a copy of Make Her Chase You, which includes a one hour recording of me picking up some girls, so you'll get to hear what I sound like.
So, my first bit of advice to you is to record your voice every single day for 15 minutes and listen to it. This will take 30 minutes out of your day, but you can do it in the car or while you're doing something else. Eventually you will probably like your voice.
Next, your voice WILL ALWAYS reflect YOU. Everything you do reflects YOU. So the real question is how do you solve the PROBLEM instead of the SYMPTOM?
You stop being needy and you stop being a nice guy. That's the only way. How do you do that? Learn the right techniques and then get out there and get experience talking to girls.
I focus a lot on becoming confident and positive in my book, so I think that's going to help you.
My book also comes with a 30 day bootcamp where you get a lesson and a mission every day. Before I send you a copy of it, I want you to promise me that you're going to do all 30 days with no excuses and personally e-mail me your results every day. I bet that will solve the problem by itself. Fair enough?
Until next time,
Tynan
P.S. If you're not totally happy with your dating life and you have a specific question you'd like answered, or a situation you'd like help with, send me an e-mail to weekly@makeherchaseyou.com. If I pick your e-mail for my weekly newsletter, I'm going to send you a free copy of ALL of my products to get you headed down the right track.
Suggested free e-books to read:
Adam Gilad - Interview With Vince DelmonteIn10se - An Interview With In10se By Thundercat
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