Crafting Your Image Via Facebook

Crafting Your Image Via Facebook Image
Don't doubt the power of social networks for dating and getting your image across! Window Shopping for Women goes a lot deeper into this, but this is a very interesting article about crafting your image on Facebook from UCLA:

Students are creating idealized versions of themselves on social networking Web sites -- Facebook and MySpace are the most popular -- and using these sites to explore their emerging identities, UCLA psychologists report. Parents often understand very little about this phenomenon, they say.

"People can use these sites to explore who they are by posting particular images, pictures or text," said UCLA psychology graduate student Adriana Manago, a researcher with the Children's Digital Media Center, Los Angeles (CDMCLA), and lead author of a study that appears in a special November-December issue of the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology devoted to the developmental implications of online social networking. "You can manifest your ideal self. You can manifest who you want to be and then try to grow into that.

"We're always engaging in self-presentation; we're always trying to put our best foot forward," Manago added. "Social networking sites take this to a whole new level. You can change what you look like, you can Photoshop your face, you can select only the pictures that show you in a perfect lighting. These Web sites intensify the ability to present yourself in a positive light and explore different aspects of your personality and how you present yourself. You can try on different things, possible identities, and explore in a way that is common for emerging adulthood. It becomes psychologically real. People put up something that they would like to become -- not completely different from who they are but maybe a little different -- and the more it gets reflected off of others, the more it may be integrated into their sense of self as they share words and photos with so many people."

"People are living life online," said Manago's co-author Patricia Greenfield, a UCLA distinguished professor of psychology, director of the CDMCLA and co-editor of the journal's special issue. "Social networking sites are a tool for self-development."

The Web sites allow users to open free accounts and to communicate with other users, who number in the tens of millions on Facebook and MySpace. Participants can select "friends" and share photos, videos and information about themselves -- such as whether they are currently in a relationship -- with these friends. Many college students have 1,000 or more friends on Facebook or MySpace. Identity, romantic relations and sexuality all get played out on these social networking sites, the researchers said.

"All of these things are what teenagers always do," Greenfield said, "but the social networking sites give them much more power to do it in a more extreme way. In the arena of identity formation, this makes people more individualistic and more narcissistic; people sculpt themselves with their profiles. In the arena of peer relations, I worry that the meaning of 'friends' has been so altered that real friends are not going to be recognized as such. How many of your 1,000 'friends' do you see in person? How many are just distant acquaintances? How many have you never met?"

"Instead of connecting with friends with whom you have close ties for the sake of the exchange itself, people interact with their 'friends' as a performance, as if on a stage before an audience of people on the network," Manago said.

"These social networking sites have a virtual audience, and people perform in front of their audience," said Michael Graham, a former UCLA undergraduate psychology student who worked on this study with Greenfield and Manago for his honor's thesis. "You're a little detached from them. It's an opportunity to try different things out and see what kind of comments you get.

"Sometimes people put forth things they want to become, and sometimes people put forth things that they're not sure about how other people will respond," he added. "They feel comfortable doing that. If they put something forward that gets rave reviews from people, it can alter the way they view their own identity. Through this experimentation, people can get surprised by how the molding goes."

Is this exploration of identity through these Web sites psychologically healthy?

"Every medium has its strengths and weaknesses, its psychological costs and benefits," said Greenfield, an expert in developmental psychology and media effects. "Costs may be the devaluing of real friendships and the reduction of face-to-face interaction. There are more relationships, but also more superficial relationships. Empathy and other human qualities may get reduced because of less face-to-face contact. On the other hand, new college students can make contact with their future roommates and easily stay in touch with high school friends, easing the social transition to college, or from one setting to another."

"I hate to be an older person decrying the relationships that young people form and their communication tools, but I do wonder about them," said Kaveri Subrahmanyam, associate director of the CDMCLA, professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and senior editor of the special journal issue. "Having 1,000 friends seems to be like collecting accessories."

Middle school is too young to be using Facebook or MySpace, Subrahmanyam believes, but by ninth grade, she considers the Web sites to be appropriate. She recommends that parents speak with their children, starting at about age 10, concerning what they do online and with whom they are interacting. Subrahmanyam notes that some of parents' greatest online fears -- that their children will be harassed by predators or receive other unwanted or inappropriate Internet contact -- have been decreasing, although parents may not know this.

In her own study in the journal, Subrahmanyam and colleagues Stephanie Reich of the University of California, Irvine, Natalia Waechter of the Austrian Institute for Youth Research and Guadalupe Espinoza, a UCLA psychology graduate student, report that, for the most part, college students are interacting with "people they see in their offline, or physical, lives."

"Young people are not going online to interact with strangers or for purposes removed from their offline lives," she said. "Mostly they seem to be using these social networking sites to extend and strengthen their offline concerns and relationships."

Research shows that adolescents who have discussed online safety with their parents and teachers are less likely to have a meeting with anyone they met online, Subrahmanyam noted.

"The best thing that parents can do is to have a rough idea of what their teens do online and have discussions with them about being safe online," she said.

What does having 1,000 friends do to your relationships with your true friends?

"Relationships now may be more fleeting and more distant," Manago said. "People are relating to others trying to promote themselves and seeing how you compare with them. We found a lot of social comparisons, and people are comparing themselves against these idealized self-presentations.

"Women feel pressure to look beautiful and sexy, yet innocent, which can hurt their self-esteem" she said. "Now you are part of the media; your MySpace profile page is coming up next to Victoria's Secret models. It can be discouraging to feel like you cannot live up to the flawless images you see."

"You're relating to people you don't really have a relationship with," Greenfield said. "People have a lot of diffuse, weak ties that are used for informational purposes; it's not friendship. You may never see them. For a large number of people, these are relationships with strangers. When you have this many people in your network, it becomes a performance for an audience. You are promoting yourself. The line between the commercial and the self is blurring.

"The personal becomes public, which devalues close relationships when you display so much for everyone to see," Greenfield added.

"Who we are is reflected by the people we associate with," Manago said. "If I can show that all these people like me, it may promote the idea that I am popular or that I associate with certain desirable cliques."

Not much remains private.

"You can be at a party or any public place, and someone can take a picture of you that appears on Facebook the next day," Manago said.

However, Graham said, the social networking sites can also strengthen relationships. He also said many people have "second-tier friends that they may have met once but would not have stayed in touch with if not for the MySpace or Facebook networks."

The study by Manago, Greenfield and Graham, along with co-author Goldie Salimkhan, a former UCLA psychology undergraduate major, was based on small focus groups with a total of 11 women and 12 men, all UCLA students who use MySpace frequently.

One male student in the study said of MySpace, "It's just a way to promote yourself to society and show everyone, 'I'm moving up in the world, I've grown. I've changed a lot since high school.'"

How honestly do people present themselves on these sites?

Another male student in a focus group said, "One of my friends from high school, I saw her profile and I was like, 'Whoa, she's changed so much from high school,' and I see her this summer and I'm like, 'No, she's exactly the same!' Her MySpace is just a whole other level."

"Just at the age where peers are so important, that's where social networking -- which is all about peers -- is very attractive," Greenfield said. "Just at the age where you're exploring identity and developing an identity, that's where this powerful tool for exploring identity is very appealing. These sites are perfectly suited for the expanded identity exploration characteristic of emerging adults."

Another study in the special issue of the journal, conducted by Larry Rosen of California State University, Dominguez Hills, and colleagues Nancy Cheever and Mark Carrier, shows that parents have high estimates of the dangers of social networking but very low rates of monitoring and of setting limits on their children.

Rosen and his colleagues found that a parenting style that is marked by rational discussion, monitoring of children, setting limits and giving reasons for the limits is associated with less risky online behavior by children.

Greenfield advises parents of adolescents not to give their child a computer with Internet access in his or her bedroom.

"But even with a computer in a family room, complete monitoring is impossible," she said. "Children have so much independence that parents have to instill a compass inside them. Seeing what they are doing on the computer and discussing it with them is a good way to instill that compass."

In an additional study in the journal that highlights the beneficial nature of Facebook "friends," Charles Steinfield, Nicole B. Ellison and Cliff Lampe of Michigan State University examine the relationship between Facebook use and social capital, a concept that describes the benefits one receives from one's social relationships. They focus on "bridging social capital," which refers to the benefits of a large, heterogeneous network -- precisely the kind of network these sites can support.

Their article argues that there is a direct connection between students' social capital and their use of Facebook, and using data over a two-period, they found that Facebook use appears to precede students' gains in bridging social capital.

They also found that Facebook use appears to be particularly beneficial for students with lower self-esteem, as it helps them overcome the barriers they would otherwise face in building a large network that can provide access to information and opportunity.

"Young people do seem to be aware of the differences between their close friends and casual acquaintances on Facebook," Steinfield said. "Our data suggest that students are not substituting their online friends for their offline friends via Facebook; they appear to be using the service to extend and keep up with their network."

The Children's Digital Media Center, Los Angeles, has received federal funding from the National Science Foundation. For more information about the center and the special journal issue, please visit www.cdmc.ucla.edu.

Suggested free e-books to read:

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A Woman Guide To Writing A Great Profile

A Woman Guide To Writing A Great Profile Cover
OK... the time has come. You have joined an online dating service or two. Now you must write that all-important profile… the one that will attract attention and reel in the man of your dreams… but where to start? Maybe writing isn’t even something you think you do all that well. Even so, you can do this.

The first thing is to be absolutely honest about yourself. You are looking for that man who will like…maybe someday love…YOU….THE REAL YOU! Examine past relationships and list the things that you liked and the things you did not like. If he smoked in the house and you hated it, you won’t like it any better the next time. If you love cats and will always want to own one or more, say that you are an animal lover and want indoor pets. Someone who hates cats or is allergic to them is not the guy for you.

Accent the things that make you unique. If you play the piano well, you really want Mr. Right to appreciate it. If you run in marathons, a couch potato is not a good match. If you love art, you really don’t want a man who thinks Picasso is an ice cream flavor.

There are several elements that go into creating a profile that people will want to click to read. One is your photo, another is your username, and then there's your header. Here are four specific tips for creating a good profile header:

- Analyze Other Profile Headers.

One of the best ways to create a winning profile header is to analyze headers others use that interest you. What is it about the header that makes you want to click on their profile and learn more? Here are a few of our favorites (some funny, some philosophical, and some simply clever):

"We make a perfect couple: I've got the brains and you've got the body!"
"Ok, I'm here. Now what's your other two wishes?"
"Bright spark looking to ignite shared paths"
"Just like a new job, I offer excellent benefits."
"Strangers are friends waiting to be made."

Use the insight you gain from reading interesting profile headers to create your own.

- Avoid Boring and Overused Headers.

When a person can't think of what to say for their header message, they usually resort to common and overused headers like "I may be the one" or "looking to meet new people."

You don't want to appear common. There are tens of thousands of people competing with you in a quest to find that "perfect" partner. Therefore make sure that the header you use will attract the attention of others. Which one of these four profile headers would attract your attention?

"You May be the One I'm Looking for"
"Looking to Meet New People"
"Hello"
"Willing to Lie About How We Met!"

Three of those are overused. One takes a humorous approach to the concept of telling others how you met. It's unique and clever. Make sure your header is uncommon in a sea of commonalities.

- Change Your Header Message


It's always a good idea to keep your profile fresh by rotating your pictures and changing your header message once in awhile. Every week create a new and clever, creative, or filtered subject header. Different subject headers attract different people, therefore you may reach "new" people by keeping your header fresh and updated.

- Use Your Header as a Filter.

One of the biggest complaints we hear from online daters is the number of people who contact them that are not what they are looking for. It may be a man 15 years older or someone who's body type doesn't match what you want. If you want to improve the interest shown to you from qualified respondents, then start by using your header to filter out unwanteds. For example:

"Looking for fit 24-30 year old male within 20 miles of Los Angeles"

By creating a filter, when a person who doesn't match your criteria reads your header they are likely to continue on. Yet when a "fit 24-30 year old local male" reads the header, it attracts him because he meets your criteria. Here are some real filter type subject headers we've seen people use:

"Please be local, fit, over 40, and have a posted picture."
"Must be at least 5'10" to get on this ride"
"I love a man in uniform. Military men, apply within."
"Romantic men seem to be extinct. If you're extinct, contact me now."

Improve your matches by using your subject header to filter your results!

Describe the things that are vital in your life. If volunteering is the one thing that makes you feel useful and worthwhile, you want someone who would, at the very least, support you if not join you in your volunteer projects. When you get beyond superficial things, you will attract men who share your values.

Invest in your online profile by hiring a professional photographer for your first online picture. This is so important. The picture is the FIRST thing men see. The second thing is that they read what you have written about yourself. Some online dating sites even provide you with a list of photographers in your area that specialize in online dating site photos.

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Jo Barrett - The Men Guide To The Women Bathroom
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David Deangelos Man Transformation Live Event Sign Up List

David Deangelos Man Transformation Live Event Sign Up List Image
For those of you who are a bit behind the times, David Deangelo has announced to seduction community insiders that he will hold an exclusive live program called the "Man Transformation Program" in April. There is MASSIVE demand for this, and seats are "VERY" limited. David has promised that the price is UNDER $2000. This has got to be one of the best deals to come along, and a great chance to learn from one of the most influential dating gurus around.

Here is the link to get on the PRE-INTEREST LIST. Basically those who want to have a SHOT at getting into David Deangelo's training program need to be on this list ASAP.


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Mr Perfect Does Not Exist

Mr Perfect Does Not Exist Cover
The sooner you realize this sad but true fact, the sooner you can get on with finding Mr. Close-Enough-To-Perfect. Prince Charming, riding on a white stallion, lost his way or found Princess Charming and got married on his way to your castle. Get over it and get on with it. You ARE going to have to actively seek the man of your dreams and you won’t find him hiding under your bed. You already know that he isn’t among the men that you are acquainted with so, now what? Online dating is “what”.

It’s true that online dating, while in its infancy, was only made up of perverts, sexual predators, nerds and weirdoes but that is no longer true. It has become the main tool of the single person in every developed country in the world. Forty million people can’t all be wrong. Ask your girl friends if they have ever used online dating or are using it now. If they are honest with you, most of them have or are now members of at least one online dating site and maybe more than one. It really is the way to go to meet eligible men who want to meet you. It doesn’t matter what any of your numbers are…like age, height, weight or income either. Somewhere out there in the big wide world there is a man who will like you…..then love you….and think that you are beautiful and desirable. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is true. What is considered beautiful in one part of the world is completely different from what is considered beautiful in another part of the world. It’s even different from one part of this country to another.

Find an online dating site that fits your needs. Write a great profile and post a flattering picture. Start contacting eligible men on the site. Mr. Close-enough-to-perfect could be a few mouse clicks away.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Various Authors - Mental Defectives And Sexual Offenders
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Kissing Tips Different Types Of Food Kiss

Kissing Tips Different Types Of Food Kiss Image

DIFFERENT TYPES OF FOOD KISS

Apple Flavored Kiss

Drink apple juice before kiss.

Cake kiss


Eat some cake before kissing.

Cheese Kiss


Eat cheese and kiss her.

Chocolate Kiss


Have a melted chocolate in your mouth and kiss.

French Fries Kiss


Take a French fry in your mouth and kiss.

Gum kiss


Put some gum in your mouth and exchange with your partner during kiss.

Honey Kiss


Take some honey on your finger and rub on your lower lips before kiss.

Kisses like wine


Take one grape in your mouth and exchange with your partner during kiss.

Strawberry Kiss


Take a piece of strawberry in your mouth and go for kiss.

Toffee or candy kiss


Take the coffee in your mouth and exchange through lips with your partner again and again.

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Why Men Suddenly Lose Interest

Why Men Suddenly Lose Interest Cover
Cecily Knobler is the author of new hilarious relationship/dating book, "She's Crazy, He's a Liar" that explores the dating highs and lows of entire relationships. This is a witty quick read that features personal stories and helpful dating tips in the hopes of guiding both sexes into understanding what the other is really thinking. Knobler is also a seasoned comedian who writes and hosts entertainment reports and film reviews for "Live From Hollywood," a daily morning show featured on 20 FM stations.

READER QUESTION #1: WHY MEN SUDDENLY LOSE INTEREST

I have been dating Jonah for 3 years and was banking on marrying him, but suddenly, his behavior has completely changed.

He stopped calling me completely and whenever we do meet up, he acts so aloof like he doesn't want to be with me.

When I ask him what's going on, he tells me I'm crazy and that nothing is wrong, but he simply is not the man I used to date. He's distant, argumentative and downright rude. The only thing I can think of for his behavior is that a couple of weeks ago, we had a pregnancy scare (but it was negative).

Is it possible that this changed his mind about being with me?

"R."

DATING EXPERT CECILY KNOBLERS ANSWER:


Dear "R."

One of three things is happening here.

Either Jonah does still have feelings for you, but is taking you for granted and now that you're three years in, feels he doesn't have to "work as hard" to make you happy.

Or, like you suspected, it's possible that he is backing away due to lack of interest or a desire to leave the relationship.

A third scenario is that he's going through something else in his life, unrelated to you, that is causing him to appear rude and/or irritable and he's having a tough time communicating it to you.

No matter the answer, Jonah is showing his true colors and the real question shouldn't be "did he change his mind about being with you", but rather, "do you want to be with him?"

The person you end up with for a long-term partner should be your best friend. He should be able to communicate what's going on his life and he should respect you enough to avoid that passive aggressive bs. You're worth more than that.

If you ask yourself "do I want to be with him?" and the answer is still yes, you have nothing to lose by asking him point-blank if he's still two-feet in.

If he, once again, impatiently tells you you're "crazy" for asking, then you have your answer. This doesn't make him a horrible guy, but it does convey that he doesn't respect your concerns, which, in the long-run, will lead to more issues.

Good luck! I know that three years is a long time to invest in a relationship so I hope it works out. But if it doesn't, remember; there are always other "Jonahs" in the sea.

Why are some women so incredibly moody? Read on >>



Suggested free e-books to read:

Dating Insider - Guide To Internet Dating
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Car For Sale

Car For Sale Image
Rick and Diane were madly in love and couldn't wait to get married. However, there was a slight problem. Rick didn't own a car and Diane's car was getting old with more than 120,000 miles on it. Diane told Rick she'd love to marry him, but needed to first sell her car and buy one with fewer miles on it in anticipation of starting a family.

So Diane put her car up for sale, but no one wanted to buy it. This frustrated Rick, because he was one of those extremely rare men who was actually anxious to get married.

Finally, Rick told Diane that he knew "someone" that could turn back the odometer of her car so that she could sell it. Diane was hesitant at first, but finally agreed.

A few days later, Diane called Rick with the exciting news.

"We can get married now!" she proclaimed.

Rick was ecstatic. "You sold the car?!" he asked.

"There's no need to," she excitedly responded. "Mine only has 50,000 miles on it now!"

Suggested free e-books to read:

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Woman Pays Gets Mad

Woman Pays Gets Mad Cover
Dating Question: I went out on a date with girl and we had a great time. I paid for dinner and drinks afterwards, and then we ended up at her place, where we almost had sex (I stopped it).

So we went out again, but this time she called and asked me out. So when the bill came after dinner, and she said "oh, let me...", and, well, I let her. I figured if she did the asking, she should do the paying. She chose the 5-star restaurant, after all.

Needless to say, she paid with an attitude and then told me she was "tired" and wanted to go home.

Was I wrong to figure she should pay?

BILL


No, Bill, you were spot on. It's good that you got to know what this woman was really about by the second date instead of seeing her true colors months down the line.

She asked, she even offered to pay, so the moment you agreed with what she was already saying, she got upset?!? How does that even make sense? All this tells you that she expects the man to pay all the time and never says what she means.

Who needs a woman like that?

AMY



BABY MAMA DRAMA


I'm dating this guy who has 2 young children and an ex-wife with an attitude. She is constantly using his kids as leverage and threatens him every time she wants something.

It's obvious she still loves him because she all but told me so.

My question is: Should I bother sticking around to see what this will become or should I bolt? I don't want no baby mama drama.

TONIA


Ah, yes, the kids and the ex, always a party. I can't really tell you what to do here. It all comes down to what you're willing to put up with and how badly you want this man in your life.

You haven't said anything negative about him and his kids, so I'm assuming you have no issues with them. But an ex-wife who is still hung up on her ex and uses his kids to hurt him does not sound like a good time.

It's up to you to decide: Do you want to deal with a woman who is still in love with her ex and has a hold on him because they share 2 children, or would you prefer to find a man who doesn't have this kind of baggage?

The ball is in your court.

AMY



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Kevin Bates - Any Woman Anywhere
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