Now, horrible imaginings can be fairly horrible. When a crush of yours rejects you - a girl you've been pining away over for a few weeks or months - it can be devastating. It's happened to me and it sucks. It can send your mind into a cyclone of activity, desperately trying to figure out how to get her back and how to get women. The thing is, she was never yours to begin with.
Listen - women are used to being pursued by men who are interested in them. If you don't show your interest and desire, in some way, she'll assume you want to be friends and you won't attract women. And that crush that's been brewing in your mind, all of those fun and romantic things you were planning on doing with her, those will remain in your mind, because you never sac'd up and went for her. All the more reason to go for it sooner, and let the chips fall where they may.
Still... as logically as we might think about it, fear of rejection can be a mighty force. It's like an imaginary pair of handcuffs that come out of nowhere right when things are about to get good and make it so that you literally can't do anything. And then you lay in bed wondering where you went wrong. In my own personal experience, and in coaching countless guys, the main thing I've come to realize is that you are probably scared of two things: what other people are going to think, and what the girl is going to think. So fear of rejection is really a two headed dragon that hurts your chance to attract women. If we only cut off the head that breathes fire, as most guys try to do, it will still spew lightening at us with the other.
Best to deal with them both, and move on to rescue the princess without fear of what lay behind us. We'll start by considering what others think about rejection. Let's hypothesize for a second - you're about to escalate, maybe kiss her or tell her its time to leave the party. But then you see your friends watching you, or maybe you imagine them watching you. And you think about how big of a loser you're going to seem like if you get rejected and you don't get women.
You're afraid to be exposed. What's going to be exposed? Your secret What's your secret? The secret that nearly every guy harbors the one that no one talks about is "I'm bad with women, I can't get women, and I'll do anything to hide it from other people." Want to know something crazy? 99% of the guys out there have this fear. Just realize this, and laugh. Seriously - do you know how many guys think this same thing? There's a reason that there are so many websites and blogs and dating gurus out there... But how can everyone "be bad with women and not get women"? It just doesn't make sense.
It's just not true. I've worked with clients who thought they were "bad with women," when all they needed was a push to escalate. They're fixed within an hour. But they didn't realize that before we started working together. This is a deep-deep fear and everyone holds it in. Would you ever tell another guy that you sucked with girls and couldn't attract women? HELL NO. You'd be exposed. So now I want you to realize something: getting rejected is not being exposed.
There is nothing to be exposed - it's fake, it's imaginary, and everyone has the same damn fear in their head. I'm just going to tell you right now: no one is watching you getting rejected. You need to realize that everyone is in their own damn head when they are out and trying to get their drinks on, get their game on and get women, and so on. And everyone thinks that everyone else is watching them - but really, they're not. So when you get rejected, people won't even notice. "But Nick, I always watch other guys - that can't be true!"
Wrong.
You tune in to other guys' success - it's an ego thing - it's confirmation that you suck and that they are pimps... and it's dead wrong. Truth is, the only time other guys will really watch what you are doing is when you succeed and get women, or when you're standing in the same place for an hour, creepily looking at every person who walks by. The casual, fun guy who's in and out of conversations with people isn't showing up on everyone else's radar. In a crowded environment, the only thing that really captures our attention is a major scene.
And rejections never go down like that. There's never a major scene. Women quietly start to turn away, and they go back to the conversations. No one paid attention. Think about that. If "being perceived as a player" is high on your list of things to do (I'll admit it it was on mine.. but ultimately it's not a good goal) then you want to continually go for big wins. Because big wins are what get noticed, when you get women. Remember that. No one remembers the loser. The brain just doesn't really store it.
Ok, moving on to the second head of this dragon: what she thinks of you, and what she'll tell her friends. One you get this, you're going to laugh at how simple it really all is. We'll start with a little story. Amongst our group of friends, there is an expectation that Christian and I will escalate on girls and try to get women who give us the right signals. The guys know it and our female friends know it. They know that we're being true to what we want - that we're letting our desires lead us.
They see us get rejected every now and then - we take a lot of shots- but they're more interested in the times we succeed, and the girls we'll bring their way. Do our female friends begrudge us for being this way? Generally, no, because they know it is in our characters. They generally respect us for taking the shots and trying to attract women, and they know that we'll respect boundaries and not be total asses. So this is the right way to go. What's the wrong way? I was once having dinner with a very hot, blonde female friend, and she was telling me about a mutual acquaintance of ours. Girls like him when they meet him - he's friendly and likes to party - but he also comes across as very gay. We all know he's not, but he just vibes gay when you first meet him.
Girls are usually very comfortable with him, as he shows no obvious sexual interest. So on this blonde girl's last birthday, after all the festivities were over, he offered to walk her home, and then he offered to walk her upstairs, and then they went to sleep together... as friends sometimes do when it's late and they're drunk, and the entire time, she'd been thinking "he's a friend with no hidden agenda." He hadn't escalated at all up to this point. No sexual interest, just friendly la-di-da. But once they were in bed, he started touching her and snuggling up in a way that was distinctly not friend-like. It was zero to eighty on the sexual interest scale in the blink of an eye. As she put it, "ewwwwwwwwwww." Basically, every time you don't escalate sooner than later you're either allowing yourself to be put in the friend zone, or you're "playing hard to get". In either case, she knows that you don't have balls and you won't get women. And a man without balls nope not gonna cut it.
So just realize that by not escalating you are losing major points. The fear of not escalating should be way higher than the fear of escalation. When you do escalate it signals to her "I am a Man. I take what I want. I can lead". Do you want her to think these things about you? Good. Then escalate and go get women. Now here's where it gets weird: she'll probably deny you. If things are going very well, you escalate a little bit and she denies you the kiss or whatever it is you are trying to do - hold strong, my friend. Later on in the book, we'll talk about ways to deal with tests, to get around them, and to avoid them all together.
Good game and ability to get women requires an ability to deal with her tests. So she's just testing you. Testing for what? She wants to know how persistent you are. How you handle failure. She wants to know if her little rejection has the power to make you crumble. She wants to know if you're going to be cool about things and not cause a scene.
Now, obviously, use common sense. When I say hold strong, I mean emotionally. Act like nothing happened, continue to game and have fun and just go for it again. From childhood, we idealized the way things work. We thought that when "it's on" she will just accept every advance. And when it's off, she will reject you. So we see rejection as something that indicates "I'm not worthy" when really, it's an essential part of the game! Learn to identify these sticking points and you will be blowing off rejection, and blowing past rejections, in no time flat.
Find out more about how to get women today.
Suggested free e-books to read:
Tyler Durden - Dissecting Shit TestsTranceboy - Web The Art Of Seduction
Michael Hall - Dealing With The Downside Of Nlp
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