Asktherightquestionsfirst Cover
OK. You have joined a couple of dating services and written a killer profile. You’ve uploaded a good picture and now you are going to chat with a contact. What now? How do you start separating those who have real potential and those who don’t have any potential at all? You need to find out something about who this strange woman really is and not just who she wants you to believe she is. It would be nice if women wore labels like “Gold Digger” or “Daddy’s girl”....but they don’t so it’s up to you to find these things out and you can’t just ask direct questions. You need to know what mistakes you can avoid making and how to impress this lady if you decide you want to do that.

After you are past the initial small talk, ask her, “What are the biggest mistakes guys make when dating online?” Listen carefully to her answers. She’s going to tell you a lot about herself and her views on men in general.

Next you should ask her, “What do you really think about online dating?” Now she will tell you if she has had any bad experiences dating o line and help you to avoid making the same things wrong.

Now for the all-important one.....”What caused the break up in your last relationship?” If she puts all the blame on the guy, you should probably move on to the next prospect. If she takes all the blame herself, you should probably do the same. If she says the breakup was by mutual consent or that the relationship just wasn’t right for either of them, you’ve heard the right answer. Move forward but always with caution.

Here are a few dating tips to guide you toward the relationship you want with your person of interest, who you happen to have met in the slightly muddier waters of online dating.

- Sprinkle a few grains of salt onto my dating advice. Remember that every situation is unique. I imagine there are two lovebirds out there somewhere who met online and were married by date three. Similarly, I imagine there are those who dated for months before establishing exclusivity. What I offer is simply a guide that tends to work for me and my fellow online-dating friends. If you read your situation as an exception, then trust your judgment and act accordingly. Good luck!
- When to have the talk. As much as you like online date #50, do not invite any conversation regarding exclusivity for at least the first four to five dates. Lose the intensity and enjoy getting to know the person on pressure-free terms. This is not a race to see how fast you can establish an exclusive relationship.
- How to have the talk. If the signs aren’t sure, and you’ve waited a reasonable amount of time to go forward with the relationship talk, you can introduce the topic in a fairly benign and non-threatening manner in order to avoid putting your date, and your heart, on the spot. You can jokingly ask if his or her other online dates are as fun as time spent with you. You can mention you’re no longer looking online to meet others. If your potential partner feels the same, he or she will view this as an opportunity to let you know he or she reciprocates your interest. Also, don’t be afraid to be direct. It’s okay to let him or her know your feelings and that you’d like your time together to head toward a relationship. (Remember, don’t do this on date #2! Give it time!)
- Gauge whether you need the talk. This isn’t junior high, you don’t need to be asked to go steady. Read the signs. If you’re spending every day together and his or her online profile has been inactive for several weeks (yes, it’s okay to check!), chances are you’ve transitioned into a relationship without ever having had to utter the official words “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”

Asking the right questions will give you insight and make you more confident when you meet the lady for the first time.

Suggested free e-books to read:

J Siverthorn - Focus Directing Questions
Tyler Durden - Ev Questions
Carlos Xuma - Dating Questions And Answers

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