This blog is part of a live coaching from a recent trip to London with a client. Hopefully these exchanges with my client will give you an idea of my coaching style. Consider it a sneak peek into what I do when I am coaching clients and leading bootcamps!
DAVID: Men will spend half of their adult lives 'ctn' - they spend half of their lives chasing the night. If you think about it, guys go out on a Friday night, and there's always one or two guys that want to have fun and talk to their friends. The other ones will be looking around the room, they'll have one drink and get impatient because there are no women there - even though they haven't really met women very often anyway - and they have to run to the next place. They spend the whole night trying to figure out what the best place is.
BUT THE BEST PLACE - WHICH IS SO IRONIC - IS WHERE YOU ARE IN THE FIRST PLACE. If you spend the time laughing and having fun with your friends, you'll start attracting people. Women will wonder why you're having such a good time and you're not being like the typical male chasing the night.
There's another scary term - on Saturday nights, there are guys that are 'ctw' - chasing the week. They don't have any skills to go out and meet people during the day, and they haven't gotten that concept yet, and they realize that if they don't make something happen on Saturday night, that they have to wait all the way until next Thursday or Friday night for something to work.
So then Saturday night has an even more desperate energy, because men are walking around chasing the week. You can see the desperation in their eyes, you can watch it. You know you've done it, and you've seen guys that have done it even more. There are packs of guys that are walking around your neighborhood, in the bars, looking around like this - they can't even concentrate at all.
It's the guys that are twisting their heads around in every direction. Think about it - when a guy is doing that, it's not attractive to a woman! A woman is looking at that guy and thinking, holy shit, what is wrong with him? The guys stare like this, and they don't say anything, they start drinking a little bit - to get their liquid courage on in order to chase the week.
The pressure is building because they know that they screwed up chasing the night the night before, and then usually when they get home after chasing the night or the week, it's like they have to come down from it. And then you realize that the woman that you saw at the beginning of the night was the one you probably should have talked to in the first place, and then you think well, what could I have said? It's usually something that comes to you from a simple observation. It comes to you four hours later because you're no longer in this unbelievable mode of chasing.
It's a very funny thing. One great exercise to do (and I do this all of the time) is to go out on a Friday night and look at the guys chasing the night, and then look at the women reacting to those guys - just be an observer. When those guys finally go up and approach a woman, watch how quickly she rejects them. She's noticed him from all different angles - she's noticed the way that he was looking, she noticed that he didn't walk over right away.
THERE'S A REASON WHY WOMEN GO OUT IN PACKS: they're protecting themselves from these 'ctn' guys. If they went out alone and they had the guys chasing the night or the week all over them, forget about it! This poor woman would be bombarded with annoying guys all night long. So that's where the chilling out comes from.
ROBERT: It kind of reminds me as well of stock trading. It's like you're chasing the price as opposed as waiting patiently for it to go, which I know will happen eventually, but you chase the price. And I've lost a ton of money doing that!
I admit it, I've done it a few times, and I know what I've done wrong. It was against the rules; I know that you're not supposed to chase the price. You just shouldn't do it. But you're thinking, oh, but this time, and it never works.
DAVID: And the stock market is all psychology. It's all human emotions and psychology. So you're looking at a candle chart, and you see your entry point. You don't get in because you don't believe it, even though the formula tells you to get in. Everyone else is watching the same formula, and you still don't get in. It goes up a little bit, and you still don't believe it, it goes up a little bit more and you start thinking, holy shit, if I would have just trusted the formula, I would have already made $.20 on it!
So what do you do next? You think it's going to go down, but it goes up a little bit more, and then what do you do? You, and the other people who were chasing the price, go in. At that point, the stock goes up a nickel and you say to yourself, oh, it went up! Then you see the candle and you've got that candle that doesn't know what direction it's going to go next. That's you!
You're in there, and then what do you see next? Things sink! Because everybody who got in 30 cents ago when they were trusting the whole process bailed out, and then you're stuck, chasing the price once again. That's how you lose money. You think, well, it's going to go up again - but you already missed the boat.
I did the same thing when I was trading. I wouldn't trust it, and then I would get in too late, and then I'd be there during the downward slope. It's a great analogy.
ROBERT: Yeah, I've done it. Just this year, I've done very small trades as an exercise. I was just trying to be very observant. And it went in my direction. It was really about discipline. But as soon as I put in some big money - I kept thinking, it's not going to work, and I'd get out, and it was very premeditated.
And then when I did something that was "against the rules," I would think, oh, I don't know what I'm doing, and that would work. I learned I needed to be observant, and be patient.
DAVID: Well, think about this: the thing about stock that really goes against all of the rules is that this stock is really a beautiful woman. The little stocks you mastered - these are women that you're not attracted to. And the bigger stocks are beautiful women and you treat that big stock differently. Really, you needed to treat them the same way, because the same rules apply every time. It doesn't fluctuate, and it doesn't change. That's a great analogy, and a great lesson.
ROBERT: It is. No matter what you say to yourself, the rules are the same.
DAVID: Life doesn't change. The formula in life is the same for everything we do, except for our social life and the stock market, where we've done other things.
Todays video will teach you how to lay off the CTNchasing the night mentality and be more of a natural with women.
LEARN MORE FROM DAVID WYGANT BY READING HIS FREE DATING TIPS AT HIS WEBSITE AND BY DOWNLOADING HIS BOOK "DATE TO WIN".
Suggested free e-books to read:Kate Ludeman - Coaching The Alpha Male
Michael Hall - Change History
Dr Peter Davies - What Will The Neighbors
Keywords: nlp john grinder chat online dating online dating kenya irish pick up lines how to pick up a woman disgusting pick up lines online dating in sa find online dating reading non verbal communication reading body language attraction david deangelo pua