I just had a question from a client about bringing touch into the conversation.
Here's what he asked: "so you're talking to a woman, and she starts touching you a little bit, how do you touch her back? And when is it okay to start the touch?"
Here is how I feel about touch: it has to be a comfortable way of touching. I'm not very touchy-feely in the beginning when I meet someone - it's just not who I am.
A lot of guys tend to think that you have to touch a woman to turn her on, but if I'm not comfortable yet, I'm not going to touch her.
Even if I don't touch her, I'm still going to turn her on in other ways to let her know that I'm interested in her. This means not breaking eye contact, smiling a lot, and making my body language very strong and powerful - I will be facing her directly and possibly breaking the comfort zone and moving in a bit closer.
I'm just not that big of a toucher. A lot of guys think that they have to start touching her to get her turned on.
If a woman touches me, I'm going to touch her back immediately. If I'm walking with and talking to her, I might touch her shoulder as we're walking, I might put my hand on the small of her back. I might touch her hair a little bit, just playing with it naturally.
If we're out on a great and I'm driving, I might be talking (and I talk with my hands a lot) and then just rest my hand on her thigh. Just very casually.
But I don't think about the best time to touch her. I touch her when I feel comfortable and okay with it.
The worst thing ever is when you touch somebody and it doesn't feel right. It's awful when you're touching her just because you feel like you need to escalate with her and you think that it's going to build attraction. It's creepy. It feels forced.
What it comes down to is that you should touch a woman when you feel comfortable enough to do it, but before you do that, you should start bringing her in a little bit.
When I'm out on a date, I'll lean forward. If she's leaning into me, I'll lean into her and I'll put my hands on the table. I'll put them on the midsection of the table. If she puts her hands right next to my hands, I might just start touching her fingers a little bit.
But I do this when I feel really comfortable, not when I'm "supposed to." You don't force touch.
In order to even want her to be touched you need to become memorable.
Suggested free e-books to read:
Kevin Bates - Any Woman AnywhereIn10se - The October Man Pattern
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