Now they've broken up, and she's started calling you. She tells you she's starting to have feelings for you. At the same time, your best friend still talks about her and wonders if he did something wrong.
You're in love with your best friend's ex, and she is in love with you. How do you handle this? What do you do in this situation?
I am somebody who truly believes that people are not possessions. If I break up with someone -- and I have broken up with a lot of people -- I have no problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with her and even marrying her.
This has, in fact, happened to me. My good friend Charlie is married to a woman I used to date. They started dating three years after I broke up with her, and I was perfectly fine with it.
So, if you have feelings for your best friend's ex, here is what you need to do: you need to confirm your feelings with her.
Sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. You know she feels the same way about you, as you do about her. Have that heart-to-heart talk with her and then ask her, "What do we do about telling my buddy? I don't want to lose my friendship with him, but yet I don't want to act on my feelings for you." Both of you know your friend extremely well, and together you will be able to come up with a way to tell him so that he will not be angry or hurt.
There are a lot of guys out there who truly feel that once they have dated a woman, she is off limits to all of their friends -- no matter how long it's been since they broke up. I think this is the most ridiculous thing in the entire world. We don't own people; we just share our time with them.
Once you've had a conversation with your best friend's ex, you'll need to sit down with your friend, and do one of the toughest things in the world -- have "the talk."
When you sit down with him, first tell him that he is your best friend and talk about how amazing your friendship with him is and how much it means to you. Then, you'll need to ask him how he would feel if you start dating his ex. You need to be honest, and tell him everything; about how you feel, and if you're serious about her or still trying to figure this out.
He may be angry and upset at first. He may not want to see you for a week or two. In time, though, he is going to understand; so, if you need to, give him his space. He's not with her anymore. He is out there dating, having fun and sleeping with other women. Eventually, he is going to get over it.
If this is an amazing woman with whom you have incredible chemistry, women like her don't come around that often. You have every right to pursue a relationship with her.
This is one of the tough times of your life. You'll need to display complete and total honesty not only with yourself, but with a woman with whom you are in love and also with your friend. This is going to be a tough lesson, but a valuable one. Your ability to be honest and confront difficult conversations with two people you care about, even though they won't be safe or easy conversations, will exhibit what sort of person you are.
Suggested free e-books to read:
Chris Jackson - Becoming A Master Of Oral SexHarry Kitson - How To Use Your Mind
Joseph Matthews - Break Out Of The Friends Zone
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