How to handle holidays is a crucial part of relationship management. And since relationship management begins before you sleep with a woman, your Valentine's Day strategy is important, regardless of your circumstance. What you do on Valentine's Day depends on your relationship. We're going to go over:
* If you're not "involved" with a woman
* If you have dating/undefined or a Friends with Benefits situation
* If she is your girlfriend
* If you are dating her and also other women in the same city
IF YOU ARE NOT INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE:
* Do not contact her on Valentine's Day. Do not send flowers, anonymous or not. Go "dark" * A day or two after Valentine's Day (Wednesday, February 14th), call her and tell her a funny story about something that happened when you were out with a "friend" on "Wednesday". Be subtle - she'll put two and two together - and make your story take place somewhere romantic but not over the top, and, importantly, somewhere that will sound fun to her. Make the setting the background to the story. A story about a woman taking off her shoes to dance and then seeing them slide over the deck into the water while you and friend went on a dinner/cruise works better than a dry recitation of "we did this" and "then we did that". The latter be a transparent attempt to make her jealous or would brand you as a player.
* Don't ask her what she did on "Wednesday" or "VALENTINES DAY". Assume that she was either alone or with a lesser man. Don't react or be interested.
* Go out and meet women! Women who go out on VALENTINES DAY are looking for romance and to feel better about themselves. Prepare for questions like "Why aren't you with someone tonight?" and "Why don't you have a girlfriend". An okay all-purpose answer to these is to say "because I just MET you, silly" and continue on with whatever you were talking about before. A lot of these frame-control type situations are covered in more detail on Volume 5 of the Interview Series - here's the link to the backorders. There's free audio there too!
* Don't get drunk and get tempted to call someone you wish you were with.
* Don't stay sober and get tempted to call someone you wish you were with.
* A mass text message of "Happy Valentine's Day" to all of the women in your phone may prompt some women to text back, possibly revealing new or buried interest you.
IF YOU HAVE A DATING/UNDEFINED OR A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER
* This is trickiest one. Valentine's Day is great for women because it forces men to reveal their intentions. You may have been casually flirting with her and playing hard to get, but as soon as you ask her out on Valentine's Day, she will know that your interest is serious. Unless she is equally interested in you, she will know that she can have you, and will therefore be more likely to be bored with the lack of a challenge. Yes, this sucks. No, it doesn't mean she's a bitch. People want what they can't have, and women and relationships are no exception. On the other hand, if she's into you and you don't offer to make plans...you may be discarded for someone who does. Sorry. This can be a no-win situation. I didn't make the world; I just live in it. The social matrix that leads to this sort of situation is explored more generally in the DVD Video Archive
* The best bet here is to go out with a mixed group (either a group of singles, or include some couples once they've done the private Valentine's Day stuff together) and invite her to "tag along". Keeps it nice and ambiguous.
IF SHE IS YOUR ONE AND ONLY SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND
* There's no way around this. Make the day special for her. Throw out all of the ideas in your head about not paying for dates, not getting in the traditional frame, etc. Do the traditional date and do it right. This is the one time a year when there should be no doubt about doing this. I'm assuming in this that you did read the header and that she is your girlfriend. You are close, passionate, have been dating for a while, etc...
* Send her flowers.
* Flowerstore is great - they have lots of great Valentines arrangements for cheap. Get Valentines orders in early, since a lot of florists are swamped as they approach the big day
* Send those flowers to somewhere she can show them off to her friends! Valentine's Day for women is in part a "who has the best boyfriend" competition. So send flowers to her work if that's appropriate, or to her apartment if she has a few roommates.
* Don't send roses. Be creative. But make it nice. That link to flowerstore has a bunch of different Valentines options that I looked at, and they are all good.
* Doing the traditional Valentine's Date means showing up dressed nicely (even in a suit). Making sure your car and house are clean for her. Making reservations somewhere nice. Doing something exciting afterwards. And, of course, enjoying how grateful she is.
IF YOU ARE DATING MULTIPLE GIRLFRIENDS IN THE SAME CITY
* Get out of town. I'm serious. There's no way a most desirable woman will see a man once a week or more, sleeps with him, and doesn't get to spend time with him on Valentines Day.
* Business-trip, family emergency, whatever it is. Leave before Wednesday and don't come back on Thursday. That's too obvious. Disappear for at least a couple of days.
* Send flowers to all of them and call all of them.
WHATEVER YOUR SITUATION
* Send flowers to your mom. This is pretty non-negotiable. If you email me over the next couple weeks about anything, I'm likely to ask if you did this. If you didn't, and you don't have a good reason, you're likely to get lectured. She's your mother. It's Valentines. This isn't that complicated.
* And your daughters if you have them. And any single female relatives. Sending flowers on the big day doesn't have to be sexual. Do something that can totally change someone else's day for the better. OK, cool? If you're single or casually dating, Valentine's Day is a giant, societally-imposed artificial break point in the normal evolution of relationships. It is not your friend. Try to make the best of it. On the plus side, if you *are* single, women are incredibly easy to meet.
YOU CAN BE LIKE ME AND HOLD A HUGE PARTY ON VALENTINES DAY, THEN ONLY THE SINGLE GIRLS COME, AND ARE AVAILABLE AND WILLING! -DONOVAN
Suggested free e-books to read:
Giacomo Casanova - The Complete Memoirs Of Jacques Casanova De SeingaltMffff - Living As The Center Of Attention
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