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Confidence And Fear

It's an old self-help aphorism that people are motivated to either move towards pleasure, or to move away from pain. For most people, the move away from pain is a much stronger motivator than the move towards pleasure. This has become codified in the well-known marketing aphorism that "painkillers sell better than vitamins." That's a metaphor, of course - it applies to everything from software to appliances to insurance.

Things that "stop you from feeling bad right now" or fix your problems typically sell better than those that "make you feel better in the long term" or create new opportunities. This little quirk of the mind has profound consequences on your confidence, and specifically, your confidence with women when you are trying to get women. Let's jump ahead a little bit and think about what it takes to sleep with a woman and attract women.

Specifically, we want to consider all the major points at which you might get rejected:

- When you make eye contact - does she return it?
- When you approach her - does she engage in a conversation?
- When you ask for her number - does she give it to you?
- When you call her up - does she answer?
- When you ask her out - does she agree, and not flake?
- If you go on multiple dates - does she continue to join you?
- When you go for the kiss - does she kiss you back?
- When you invite her back to yours - does she come?
- When you go for the gold - does she award you the medal?

Damn! Depending on how many dates it takes you to get to sex, that's between six and twelve (or more) opportunities that one woman has to reject you before you're doing the no-pants-dance. Lots of potential roadblocks and pitfalls when trying to attract women. And never mind all the opportunities you have to make yourself out to be a total ass along the way.

Later in this book, I'll be giving you detailed procedures for getting through each one and still being able to get women. But for now, let's consider that, with this perilous path in front of you, it's easy to forget about the finish line. And that, my friend, is because of pain and fear. Rejection isn't pleasant, and depending on how fragile your ego is and how many people are watching (or how many you think may be watching), it could be more than merely unpleasant for you.

I've worked with men who break out in sweats or feel the need to vomit when they're faced with the prospect of starting a conversation with a woman in a bar. I've worked with others who eject from a conversation after ten minutes, telling me that they didn't want to "screw it up." And I've worked with others still who can have a four-hour conversation with a woman, build a deep connection with her, and end up in the friend zone for failing to take it sexual.

The cause of all of these is the same: fear of rejection when trying to attract women. And the case that I'm trying to make is that one of our biggest impediments with women is our own fear. I hope you're with me on that one. Dealing with - and beating - this fear, is the challenge of your life as a single man.

As far as I see it there are three things that will help you get past it:

- Understanding female psychology, and why they accept or reject men
- Having a plan - knowing what to say and how to get what you want
- Being awesome, confident and leading with your desires

Find out more about how to attract women today.

Suggested free e-books to read:

C Kellogg - Seduce And Destroy
Brian Caniglia - Online Dating Secrets
Dr Peter Davies - Hopes And Fears

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Barry Kirkey Said Something About Me

So these last few weeks have been extremely busy.

Not only do I have my normal job, side projects, etc but I've been trying to experience summer before it's gone. This is my first summer when I haven't moved to either NYC or LA for work. I'm glad to be settled and having fun.

Flashback a few months ago when I started posting Barry's articles on my site, which have no real merit for getting better with women, apart from adding some enjoyment to a guys day for the humor it has. Barry's a great guy who I don't know real well, but seems genuine.

A few weeks ago he had two podcasts in which he said something about me. I WASN'T ABLE TO LISTEN, DID ANYONE HEAR THEM? WHAT WAS SAID ABOUT ME?

All I know is that it has something to do with not posting his Sunday articles. This has nothing to do with Barry, only the sheer weight of work and getting side-tracked.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Jdog - 7 Success Secrets Of Meeting Beautiful Women
Jennifer Smith - Why I Love Men Dating Playbook For Women
Haldeman Julius - What Great Men Have Said About Women

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Pickup Artist

VHI has reteamed with pickup master Mystery for a second season of "The Pickup Artist," premiering Oct. 12.

Mystery will guide nine "socially awkward" students in how to pick up women. The last man standing will receive 50,000.

New wing-girl Tara will join Mystery and season one's wing-man Matador in "The Pickup Artist 2," which moves to Phoenix for this season. "It's certainly no mystery why we've partnered again with Mystery," said Jeff Olde, VH1's executive VP of original programming and production, in a statement. "He already had a legion of followers from his book when we launched 'The Pickup Artist' series last year, and now he's grown into a pop culture phenomenon. He's even been parodied on 'Saturday Night Live'-a true indicator of water-cooler buzz."

SocialWingmen.com - Meet your wings

My take on it. Last fall when pick up artist show came out, it was huge rise in interest in pick up. This time around i am expecting take 2 of that, so once again, more people will start looking for pick up material, pick up books, coaching, and all that stuff. Mystery will be taking the major cut of that, but we small guys also will be picking up crumbs of whats left. In fact, if you look at google trends, search for pick up artist words on google literally quadrupled during the showing ofthe show.Sign up for Pick up Future RSS feed.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Tyler Durden - Puppy Dog Routines
Juggler - How To Be A Pickup Artist
C Kellogg - Pick Up Lines

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Be The Selector By David Wygant

Recently, a friend of mine from Europe wrote me a great email. Now, he's a confident, good-looking guy who really understands the power of his mind and his attitude. He sent me something this morning that really resonated with me, and I'm going to call it "BE THE SELECTOR".

Most men will go to the bar, find a position, stand there, drink some booze, and hope either the right woman walks by so they can talk to her or that they get up enough liquid courage to walk over and talk to someone. Does this sound familiar so far?

They will also wait for the hot woman to be near them and then they will make the number one cardinal sin happen. They will buy her a drink and she will of course spend the obligatory 2 minutes with him and then walk away. Only to be seen 30 minutes later sucking face with a dude in the corner sipping the drink you bought her.

As the night progresses, the women will be hit on more and more by different guys using the same boring approach. A guy will be standing there at the bar waiting his turn. Once he finally figures out what to say (which he thinks is so clever and original), it is really the exact same thing all the other guys have been saying. The guy finally gets his turn, and he gets shot down even quicker than the other guys. Why does he get shot down quicker? Because she's already heard what he's trying on her, and her patience is at a night time low for all the un-clever banter that's been brought over to her.

Not only is this something that men do, men will repeat this over and over every Friday night hoping that this will work one time. They might as well send the 100 dollars they spend in the bar to a charity, at least then the money will be put to good use.

When you learn the power of being the selector, you are now different than every other guy who wishes they were selected. Women feel your lack of confidence right when you walk over to her. Women smell a routine a mile away. Let's talk about a routine.

There are good routines and bad routines. What makes the difference between a good routine and a bad routine?

A bad routine usually has the man talking nonstop. Because he's so nervous and he doesn't want even a moment of silence, he becomes "routine man." Either he tells a story or asks a question, but he never listens to her response to know what to say next.

Also a bad routine will only work on drunk 22 year old club girls and when you think you have a potential date with them you will find out 2 days later when you call that she either gave you a wrong number or all you get is voicemail and no phone call back.

I have found that 7 out of 10 times you use a routine and meet drunk girls in bar the odds of getting a date is 30%.

So you will need to get 10 phone numbers for 3 dates. Do you want to work such low odds and think about how long it takes you to get 10 phone numbers in a hot bar.

A routine guy will brag about all the numbers he gets, the reason why is because he knows that the majority of women that he gets a number of will never turn into a date.

Do you want to be a routine guy so you can brag to your friends about all the numbers you get?

Or do you desire to be a Selector, a man that not only gets the number but she can't wait for him to call and sometimes when you are a Selector a woman will actually chase you.

Lets talk further about how a Selector makes this happen.

A selector will walk over to a group of women with a very clever opener that will get them speaking and competing for his attention. For instance, you're in a bar and three women are standing there. They've already rejected two or three guys. A routine guy will walk over with the same routine that those last guys did. A selector will walk over with a purpose - he is going to get every woman intrigued by him.

One of my favorite openers in a bar is "the text opener." I will have my friend text me this into my phone: "Hmmm... Last night was really interesting. What are you doing later? ": Now that you have this in your phone, you need a back story. The back story is that you went out with this woman the night before, had a glass of wine, and said goodnight without any kiss. So you approach the group of three women, and you ask them "Can I have your opinion on something? Before I show you what I need your opinion on, I need to tell you the back story." Then you explain to them about the date the night before. And then... the fun begins.

You pass them the phone, and every one of them will have a comment. Within three to five minutes, you will find out about their booty call rules and their dating habits. The key to making this work is to listen. If girl #1 says "She's booty calling you," you need to challenge her and say "Is that what you do when you booty call a guy?"

As all of you know, I'm not a big routine guy. Everything I teach is all about observation and being present in the moment so you can connect with women.

But bars are a different ball game, and a lot of women when they go to a bar are very guarded. Truthfully, I don't blame them. If I was out on a Friday night and everybody looked at me like a piece of meat on a grill, and all that was missing was the A1 Sauce, I can see how they begin to get this way.

Now I know women right now are reading this and thinking "Why do men have to play games and use routines?" The reason is obvious. Most women don't make themselves available when they go out on a Friday night. They hover in packs, and barely make any eye contact with men. So we feel like we have to come up with something to say to get your attention... and "hello" just doesn't seem to cut it.

So in order to become the selector, you also have to be able to be unique and different. Selectors may have little routines from time to time, but the key is not what you say... it's how you say it and listening. If you listen, you will become the selector.

Try this out in a bar and you will realize that women will not only find this entertaining and fun, but different. Not only that, by saying you went out on a date and then having them see what's in that text, they will wonder what you said on an hour date that made her text you at 10:00 pm on a Friday night.

A friend of mine used this approach, and all the women in the group he approached wanted him after that. One walked by and let her business card fall. Another one met him at the bathroom. The one he initially spoke to when he walked over to the group called him twenty minutes after he left the bar. They all became hookups for him.

It's all about confidence, and not worrying about what you look like or what happens if you get turned down. The more you talk to women, the greater chance of success you'll have. My friend emailed me and said "I've stopped chatting them up, because it always works and I have no time anymore for all these women."

The power of being the selector is within you. Women desire the man who selects them... not the man who begs them. Time for you to kick ass, and start learning how to listen and attract all the women you desire!

Suggested free e-books to read:

Alex Benzer - The Tao Of Dating
Adam Gilad - Interview With David Wygant

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Book Review The Layguide

The Layguide By Tony Clink
With a title that gets straight to the point, TONY CLINK's is designed to help men of all shapes, sizes and age get laid. Yes, you read that right. It's all about sex.

Despite its blunt and borderline offensive title, however, TONY CLINK's book does provide some very useful and helpful advice. From using negative hits to not paying for any woman's attention, TONY CLINK makes it clear that if a man wants to get a woman into bed, he needs to build a connection and gain status with her.

And although the end goal of TONY CLINK's mission is to help men get "laid" buyers of the book can still use it to develop long-term and meaningful relationships.

It's true, though, that this book has plenty of chauvinistic moments and controversial advice, but most of what's written is practical advice that many men who feel insecure with women need.

If you do opt to read this book, take away what you think might be useful in your own situation and adapt it. But don't think that asking a woman to give you a kiss in exchange for buying her a drink is going to work. Unless, of course, she's an alcoholic.

RATING: 3 OUT OF 5

Suggested free e-books to read:

Helen Seporsky - Get Laid Guide
Maniac High - How To Lays Girls Guide

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Neil Strauss Seduction Masters Interview

Neil hardly ever does email interviews, and has turned down multiple requests from big time newspapers. This is a special treat for you avid Attraction Chronicles readers. Enjoy! =)

Donovan

Thanks for doing this interview Neil. With all that's been written and the media exposure of 'The Game', it seems pointless to ask you the typical PUA questions. So I have some others.

FIRST OFF, WHY DID YOU CHOOSE WRITING AS A PROFESSION, AND ESPECIALLY WRITING ABOUT CULTURE?

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. IT HAPPENED LIKE A SNOWBALL ROLLING A HILL. I THINK EVERYONE ALWAYS GETS ASKED DID YOU ALWAYS WANT TO BE A WRITER/FIREMAN/COOK/BLOGGER? AND WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG YOU WANT TO BE EVERYTHING. YOU MAKE UP YOUR OWN RADIO AND TV SHOWS, YOU PLAY WITH FIRE ENGINES, YOU WANT TO BE A FARMER, YOU GO TO WORK WITH A DAD. SO, IN SHORT, I SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE JUST AS EASILY BEEN A FARMER OR A FIRE FIGHTER. I LEARN QUICKLY.

TELL ME ABOUT THE STYLELIFE CHALLENGE THAT YOU'RE DOING.

I started a mailing list when the book came out at my www.neilstrauss.com website. And since then, I've gotten thousands upon thousands of really moving emails that I just don't have the time to answer. So I thought it would be cool before I dove into the next book to spend 31 days helping the guys who need it most: the guys getting out of rough relationships, the 25-year-olds who've never had sex or a girlfriend, the people who are just petrified at the thought of talking to a woman. The event is going to take place from July 1 to July 31, and the challenge is for them to get a date in that time following the instructions and assignments I give them. It's kind of a thank-you present to my VIP list for being really fucking cool and supportive and open.

YOU TOLD US IN 'THE GAME' THAT YOU HAD HELP FROM STEVE PICCUS, AND HIS MATE. HOW DID THAT IMPACT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM/OUTLOOK?

A lot of people ask me that. I think the hypnosis and deep inner-game work is something you should do AFTER getting social experience. You need to get out there and interact in order to identify what your internal sticking points are. Then, once they're identified, you can take the steps necessary to fix them. The more specifically you can pinpoint your problems, the more accurately you can defeat and overcome them. I definitely think Steve gave me a huge leap forward in terms of feeling worthiness and letting go of fear. I still vividly remember spending all those hours with my eyes closed and him telling me to imagine crazy things, many of which involved excrement for some reason.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG ON YOUR IPOD RIGHT NOW?

"Sargin" by DJ Dave and Turkish. They read The Game and made this hip-hop track. It's on my Myspace profile (www.myspace.com/neilstrauss).

IF YOU WERE ENTERING THE COMMUNITY, WHAT SPECIFIC METHODS WOULD YOU USE TO GET TO WHERE YOU ARE NOW?

There's one chief rule for improving: hang out with someone who's better than you. They don't have to be the best, just better. I think guys wring their hands too much over "choosing" a method. Just try everything (most of it's free online) and do what works for you. Immediately get started with SOMETHING, rather than standing at the deadly precipice of indecision. You can only learn from it, and it will eventually lead you to what's right for you.

WE TRY AND STAY POSITIVE WITH ALL ASPECTS OF OUR LIVES. BUT NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, THERE ARE SOME THINGS WE WISH WE COULD CHANGE ATLEAST TO A SMALL DEGREE. DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS ABOUT FINDING THE COMMUNITY?

Of course I have no regret about finding the community, because in the end it made me a much better, happier person. I think the community should be like college for guys: you stay in it for a few years, then move into the real world with the tools to succeed. I think it only gets counter-productive only when people spend more time gossiping or trying to impress each other than actually improving themselves.

IF A GUY WAS LOOKING TO ESTABLISH AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, WHERE SHOULD HE FOCUS HIS TIME? ON CLUB, DAY, OR TALK SHOW GAME?

Definitely talk show game.

Actually, game to me is just for courtship and attraction. Whether you're looking for a one-night stand or marriage, they all begin the same way - with two strangers meeting.

WE KNOW THAT BEING FRIENDS WITH 'NATURALS' INCREASES OUR SOCIAL SKILLS, HELPS US MEET MORE WOMEN WITHIN THEIR SOCIAL CIRCLE, AND IMPROVES OUR ABILITY TO ATTRACT NATURALLY. WHAT STEPS DO YOU RECOMMEND FOR BEFRIENDING NATURALS THAT WE COME INTO CONTACT WITH?

The best way to befriend a natural is to let him know that by hanging out with you, he can meet even more women. Game respects game.

I BELIEVE ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS THAT GUYS HAVE, IS THAT THEY'RE GENUINELY NOT INTERESTING, AND/OR DON'T HAVE FUN. WHAT ARE SOME ACTIVITIES THEY COULD TAKE UP THAT WOULD HELP THEM DEVELOP A MORE INTERESTING LIFESTYLE/ATTITUDE?

Good point. I always tell guys that the best way to meet women is to have something better than meeting women Every guy NEEDS to be doing something physical a few times a week - whether it's working out, surfing, jogging, a sport, or a martial art. Traveling is also a key to become a deeper, richer person. But the most important thing is...not being self-conscious, because deep inside, we all know we're interesting. Some of us are just uncomfortable sharing that side of themselves with strangers because they're worried that they'll be judged.

IF YOU COULD LIVE IN ANY CITY/TOWN/COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, POLITICS, CALAMITIES, LOVER, AND FAMILY ASIDE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

I haven't found that place yet. But the three trips I'd most like to take that I haven't done yet are New Zealand, Cuba, and a road trip across Russia.

IT'S AMAZING TO MOST OF US THAT EVEN SOME CELEBRITIES THAT YOU'VE TALKED BRIEFLY ABOUT HAVE TROUBLE ATTRACTING WOMEN INTO RELATIONSHIPS. OF THESE, WHAT IN YOUR OPINION IS THE MAIN REASON SOME CELEBRITIES AREN'T SUCCESSFUL GETTING STABLE, BEAUTIFUL, INTERESTING WOMEN?

Here's the thing: Almost every famous person I know can only choose from among the women who approach them. If they see a woman they're attracted to, most of them don't know how to break the ice. Or if they do, their way of accomplishing it is to send their manager or bodyguard over to say, "So-and-so would like to meet you"

In addition, a lot of them get LMR, with these types of women, because she'll start asking them if they do this with all the girls. Some celebrities I've talked to actually have routines to deal with this - and they're not unlike the community's LMR routines.

What I'm more interested in is the women who end up dating these celebrities. I'll see some on the arm of a different famous guy every night. I'd like to learn more about THEIR game.

WHEN YOU WANT TO ESCAPE THE DEMANDS OF BEING A BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND QUASI-CELEBRITY FIGURE, WHAT DO YOU DO?

Feeding pigeons in the park, standing on street corners and shouting obscenities at passers-by, and sometimes even loading in a no-loading zone.

MANY GUYS SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DAY2S AND GETTING WOMEN OUT THERE AT TIMES (POSSIBLY BECAUSE OF NO IDEA WHAT TO DO). COULD YOU GIVE SOME INTERESTING EXAMPLES OF YOUR MOST SUCCESSFUL DAY2 ACTIVITIES?

Every Sunday when I was actively sarging, I'd map out my nightly activities for the week. This way, when I met someone I was interested in, I could invite her to tag along to the appropriate event or meal or shopping expedition or night out. Some guys do one-on-one coffee dates, but I prefer to bring her out in a small, fun group, so that after a few hours we yearn to break away and be alone together.

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR FAVORITE FILM AT THE CINEMAS WITHIN THE LAST 3 MONTHS?

The last great movie I saw was older than that. It was the documentary "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room." It's chilling.

WHAT GUYS FROM THE COMMUNITY ARE YOU STILL CLOSE FRIENDS WITH?

I'm still close with a handful of great guys, and in communication with most others. I'll always treasure the bonds I made. I really have a lot of gratitude, respect, and love for every single person in the book.

THANKS, WE LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR CONTINUED INFLUENCE IN THE COMMUNITY!

Suggested free e-books to read:

Alphahot1 - Alt Seduction Fast Posts
David Deangelo - Neil Strauss Interview Special Report

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Great Date Movies Of Summer 2009

Summer movie season is usually associated with blockbusters - fast-moving films that have big action, big budgets and big stars. But summer is also a time when a lot of people are looking for a movie to share with a special someone - or often a potential special someone - something as fun and entertaining as the season itself.

Here, now are the promising great date movies for 2009.

GREAT 2009 DATE MOVIES #1 THE PROPOSAL,

IN THEATRES: JUNE 19

This one looks like it's going to be a safe bet for a date movie, as safe a bet as you'll get all summer. The romantic comedy stars SANDRA BULLOCK as a demanding, tyrannical boss threatened with deportation (to Canada, which doesn't really sound like it should be a hardship) and the loss of her job because of an expiring work visa. In order to maintain her position, she strong-arms her assistant (RYAN REYNOLDS) into marrying her, which will allow her to stay in the country and allow him to keep his job.

This looks to be a straight-head, feel-good romantic comedy with two leads who have proven themselves in the genre. Some are saying that this is Bullock's strongest role since her break-through in" You Were "Early reviews have given particular praise to BETTY WHITE's hilarious supporting role as Reynolds' sweet-and-smart-at-the-same-time grandmother.

GREAT 2009 DATE MOVIES #2 WHATEVER WORKS

IN THEATRES: JULY 1

Audiences probably have an idea of what to expect from a WOODY ALLEN film. His 40th feature stays true to his formula combining urban realism with romance, set against the backdrop of his true love, the city of New York. LARRY DAVID, whose work on" Your "and" him an inevitable choice for the lead in an Allen film, plays a suicidal physicist, who, despite his bitterness and depression, falls into a strange romance with a much younger and lovelier woman (played by co-star EVAN RACHEL WOOD).

Allen has always had a way of convincing audiences that even the least personable and most anxious of people can and should find love, and" Works" to be no great departure. (The script is apparently one that he wrote in the '70s, but never got around to filming.) Viewers can expect all the elements that have made his classic films so memorable - dry, smart dialogue, idiosyncratic characters and a sense of romance and possibility even in the grittiest of settings.

GREAT 2009 DATE MOVIES #3 BRUNO

IN THEATRES: JULY 10TH

The return of SACHA BARON COHEN looms large over the summer movie season. "was one of the most talked about films of 2006, with its irreverent, sometimes crass send-ups of America, from the point of view of an uncultured, almost childlike traveler. Bruno, another regular character from Cohen's television show" Ali G "promises similar big laughs and dropped jaws for the summer of 2009.

Like Borat, Bruno is a character who has spent his life absorbed entirely in his own world. In this case, that is the fashion world. Bruno is a flamboyantly gay couture scenester transplanted, as was Borat, into middle America. Like "the film is comprised of largely unscripted moments that are the result of what happens when "regular" people are exposed to a person who is completely foreign to them and whose life is governed by an extremely different set of rules.

And considering"' s success, it's a safe bet that this is the film that audiences will flock to when they want to laugh until it hurts, as well as the film you'll be quoting for months afterward.

Suggested free e-books to read:

David Deangelo - Double Your Dating Advanced Series Notes Summary
C Kellogg - Create More Time Out Of Thin Air
Michael Webb - 300 Creative Dates For Under 20 Dollars

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How To Meet Someone Through Free Online Dating

Free online dating may be sound strange or unusual but that is what people search more and companies earn more. Social media and dating websites are best source to find your date. Here are few tips for dating free online:

Profile - This is the first step to make a nice and dynamic profile. Always do a research of other profiles and take out the best points from them. It will help you to make the unique profile.

Intelligence - Don't behave like a fool while using internet. Don't use fake identity, be genuine and hones while talking with others. But don't share your personal information.

Sense of humour - You are not there to sell yourself but no one likes to talk bore people. Talk nicely and bring some decent jokes in conversation.

Trust - Build a trust factor first. Don't go too fast to make best friends. Get to know each other first.

Information - Provide the accurate information in dating free online like height, weight, eye's colour etc.

Slow and steady wins race, this is the best proverb for dating. Always go slow and give the complete time to yourself and other person too.

Suggested free e-books to read:

Scot Mckay - How To Meet Women On Twitter
Brian Caniglia - Getting The Most From Online Dating

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Confidence And Fear

Find out more about how to attract women today.

Barry Kirkey Said Something About Me

Pickup Artist

Be The Selector By David Wygant

Book Review The Layguide

The Layguide By Tony Clink

RATING: 3 OUT OF 5

Neil Strauss Seduction Masters Interview

Donovan

Great Date Movies Of Summer 2009

How To Meet Someone Through Free Online Dating

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